A Matter of Choice

For you and me. Choose. Me or your friend. Choose. Stay or leave.

Because I dah penat sakit hati tengok both of you.

Don't care about me no more. You told me once, that friends are more important than girlfriends. What about now? We're engaged to be married. Still, kawan2 lagi penting ke?

You cakap apa, tak nak kawan dia lagi dah. After I told you we were done. Yep, I gave up. But I'm still here. And you lied to me. Lies. That's what I can't tolerate.

Bukannya I tak bagi you kawan dengan dia. It's about how you treat her as a friend. As I can see, you treat her more than just a close friend. You both have crossed the boundaries of treating a friend, though I've warned you. Dia sekarang lagi penting dari I. At least that's how I feel, in case you don't see it.

I told you, I hate it bila you kata nak make out dengan dia. Even if it's just a joke for both of you, I tak suka. Macamlah selama ni you tak happy dengan apa yang I dah bagi kat you. And her, dia suka bila you cakap pasal tu. Gelak besar dia. Yes, you both make me feel insulted when you said it. On my face! Both of you, tak malu ke? Tak rasa sundal ke? I pulak yang rasa cheap gila when my fiancee talks about doing another person.

When your bike was ready, I told you I want to ride with you. You said, 'kita naik kereta je lah.' But on our engagement day, you bawak dia datang naik motor. I was hurt, yet again. Because your future fiancee wanted to ride with you, but you took your trans friend instead. Oh, I really felt bad. Again, you letak dia sebelum I.

Bila I masak untuk you, bagi you rasa and you said OK, you suruh I bagi dia rasa pulak. Tanya kawan you, OK ke tak. What is this? I felt like a maid for both of you. You've put me down so low that I felt worthless in front of her. I malu. Malu!

I tanya you about our wedding plans. you suruh I tanya dia instead, bila dia tak bagi jawapan pun kat I. As if you tak minat nak kahwin, or you lagi suka biar kawan you handle your wedding. Is it? Who am I getting married to? You or her? Who is my fiancee? You or her? Or do you wish to marry her instead of me?

Wherever we go - watching movies, hang out, dine, shopping, fishing.. She was always there. As if there was no more our time, our date. Mana2 kita pergi, mesti you nak dia ada sekali. Apa kita buat, mesti you nak ajak dia sekali. I don't feel like we're together anymore, you guys were. When you walk, you walk with her. I was left behind. When you talk or joke, you do it with her. I was like a statue between you and her. You forgot about me when she's around.

When you make a stupid joke, and she laughs at your joke, she curses at you as well. Babi, bodoh, lancau.. Rude. Don't you feel like she doesn't respect you? Although it's a joke, I can't take it when someone curses at you. You know for yourself I hate people who curse. Macam mana kalau I buat macam tu kat you, curse at your jokes. Marah? I know you will. Silap2 lempang muka I terus.

Everytime kawan you tak habis makan, dia arah you 'weh, habiskan makanan aku.' And you ambik, habiskan. Both of you - she doesn't respect my position as your fiancee when she asked you to finish her meal. Who is she to do that? None of your friends do that. What gives her privilege to do that? She's only a friend. And she's crossed the line. And you tak hormat perasaan I bila you ambik makanan dia, habiskan. I tengok you dah macam kuli dia, habiskan sisa makanan dia. Selalu pulak tu. No wonder you listen to her. I hurt, bila I tengok orang sesuka hati arah you bila I sendiri tak mampu nak buat macam tu. I hurt bila you tak pedulikan I bila you habiskan sisa makanan kawan you, sedangkan mak dia sendiri pun tak buat macam tu!

She orders around asking you to do this and that for her. Is she a family to you? Think. Even your fiancee doesn't do that. Let alone friends. She's your only friend who does that. Again, I feel disrespected. Don't you?

Everytime the three of us walk together, I always observe both of you. You will be the one ahead, and then she will walk faster so she can walk beside you. And I walk alone. Who's your fiancee? Me or her? If you're aware of my position as your fiancee, you'll walk with me. And if she respected my position as your fiancee, she would let me walk next to you. Both of you. I tak mintak orang tunduk sembah I, tapi at least hormat perasaan I as a person. We treat strangers nicely, but why do we treat our loved ones badly?

And yes, I'm extremely annoyed seeing your relationship with her. I feel like slapping her face everytime she curses at you. I feel like slapping yours when you talk about sleeping with her. I feel like throwing her food away when she orders you to finish her meal. And I feel like splashing you with the drinks when you do. Why? Jealous? I won't be if you both don't cross the boundaries. I know, you are well aware of that. But you choose to ignore. You choose to annoy me rather than watching your actions with her. You've totally left me out. I don't have a say when it comes to her. I sakit hati tengok dia buat you sesuka hati dia. Tapi bagi you tak apa, sebab dia kawan you. Macam terbalik, sepatutnya you layan tunang you nicely. Tapi you layan kawan you macam raja, and tunang you macam hamba.

U made her your priority over me. Apa2 pun mesti tanya dia, ajak dia, consult dia. Semuanya kena dapat approval dia ke? You dengan dia sapa? Dia boss you ke? Adik beradik you ke? No! She's only a friend. A friend!

You dengar cakap dia, you tak pernah dengar cakap I. Whatever she says, whatever she wants.. Semua you turutkan. Tapi apa yang I mintak dari you, punyalah susah nak dapat. Sometimes I kena tunggu turn dengan dia. Bila dia dah dapat apa yang dia nak, baru you nak cari I and tanya apa yang I nak. Am I sharing my fiancee with a pengkid??

You told her how you feel, you never told me. Siapa tunang you sebenarnya? I ke dia? Kenapa susah untuk you share your feelings with me when I'm the closest to your heart in you life? But you turn to her. Segala apa pun, you cari dia. Then I ni apa? Tunggul kayu? Kenapa susah sangat you nak cakap, slow talk dengan I? I told you, talk to me. No matter how bad it is. For heaven's sake, communicate with me!

You care about her feelings, you never care about mine. You told me to behave, you told me to speak with manners when I'm talking to her. You don't hurt her, you hurt me.

Seriously, I give up.