Time Bomb

Since I never really did confront you on this matter, if you read this, please read it through. This is my confrontation, and so are the previous two entries.

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As I've stated on my Facebook status before, bottled up feelings are like a ticking time bomb. Counting seconds to explode. Did you see it coming?

She's a liar. I saw it. Our friend saw it. Did you see it? There were several cases where I caught her lying to me. But seeing her as someone close to you, I never confronted her. I just observe what she did.

She used you. She had been using you. I watched her in silence. Did you realise that? She asked this and that from you, Which I, as your FIANCEE, never did. She orders you to do this and that, which I never saw any of your friends did. Let alone me. She demands this and that from you, which I, as your FIANCEE, could never have asked.

She made fun of you. Played you a fool. I was offended. Did you ever feel the same way? She swore, cursed at you. I never saw ANY of your friends did that. I could never ever swear at you, even as a joke.

She played cute and coy with you. I was annoyed. So was our friend. Didn't you feel that? She talked like a biatch with you, act like a little girl with you, talk with slutty words, behave as if she was a princess, complaint this, complaint that to you. A trans, but behaved like a little pampered girl with you. Didn't you think I was more rough than her? A penkid, but she behaved like a little girl. I don't think I've behaved like her. If ever I had, I suppose I have every right to do that, you were my fiancee.

Nevertheless, I wonder. Couldn't you tell, that she was such a liar and a fake? I thought you were good at reading people. Where'd your skills go?

Didn't you ever feel used by her? Every time she needed someone to do something for her, she'd call you. Every time she needed something, she'd call you. I wonder.

Didn't you feel like she didn't respect you? Didn't you feel like she made a fool out of you? Didn't you feel that she never respected your manliness? Or at least your feelings and dignity as a person? Or you never had any dignity, that she played around it with as she like? I felt like slapping her face several times, but I kept quiet. I wouldn't want to turn this relationship sour because of her.

Didn't you feel like she made you her coolie? She played coy, then she asked something from you. She acted as if she was your girlfriend, and you pampered her. You gave everything that she asked from you. You asked if she'd eaten. You asked if she had any money. You asked if she was OK with anything that we were about to do. You even gave her pocket money. Yep, I saw and I knew. I just let you & her play the game.

You told me many times, all your friends they trouble you. None of them made your life easier. Did she make your life easier? As far as I was concerned, she troubled you a lot. Even me too. I saw it. I know. But you were the one who asked for it. You were the one who pampered her. Did you pamper me? No. You treat me as if I was your maid, your PA. No, both your and her. And we both were her chauffeur. You treat me dryly, laconically, but you fulfilled whatever that she demanded from you. How could that not make me feel bad?

You even wanted to make her our partner in your aquaculture business, when we both know she would never contribute anything to the business. Time? Maybe. Energy? I don't think so. Would she do the dirty works? Would she get into the water? You know the answer. Money? Never. We both know she doesn't have it. But still...

Let's give it a thought. The first time you were engaged, your fiancee cheated on you. The second time you were engaged, your fiancee left you. Have you ever wondered where the problem lies on? Was it your fiancees, or was it you yourself? How did you treat your loved one? Did you give your attention to them, or to your friends? Did you ask what they want, or did you ask your friends? Did you care about them, or did you care about your friends? Did you love your fiancees, or did you love your friends more? Did you make them smile, or did you make them cry? Did you make them happy, or did you hurt them? Were your priority them, or your friends? Don't give these answers to me, answer these for yourself.

I never thought that I'd leave you, and I never thought I'd explode, but I did. Yes, bottled up feelings made me strong enough leave you and your attitude. I didn't just leave you, I left you and I hoped that you realise what you did and have been doing until this moment was and is wrong. Just because she laughed to your jokes doesn't mean you could put her over me. Just because she never sulked with your temper doesn't mean she was better than me. Just because she never scolded you doesn't mean she could over-stand my position as your fiancee. She was ONLY A FRIEND. But made her your priority over your own future wife.

Please don't be mad at me, I did what I thought was right. I tried to make one of you back off from this twisted situation, but neither did. So let me be the one who backs off. Because I don't see any point for me to be with you when all you talk about, care about and think about was her. Maybe I was wrong, but I wasn't wrong when I felt like an outcast whenever she was around.

You didn't have to own everything in this world to have me, you were my everything. Sadly, I wasn't your everything when she was your concern and priority. As if she was your everything. And I was nothing.

I confronted her, told her how I feel along the path our friendships. She asked me if she was the root of all the chaos that happened in our relation. She was. And you were too. And we never spoke since. So I assumed that she knew I was right.

And so, I withdrew from our relationship, giving way for you and her to be the 'best-est' friends ever. So you wouldn't feel controlled by me. So that there'd be no one to sulk or scold you on however you treat her. So that nobody would stop you from touching, making jokes or pamper her. I'm just a fiancee. Nothing more.