Trust..

Baru2 ni aku encountered lie from someone dear. He keeps secrets from me - perhaps sebab dia tak nak lukakan hati aku, or perhaps he simply doesn't want to tell me. Dia keluar, bawak balik ada la sorang minah ni and aku tak tau, and when I get to know about this aku call minah tu suruh dia jangan kacau2 partner aku lagi. Puas tu memang la puas hati, tapi ada lagi satu masalah when it comes to him: I can't trust him anymore, tak boleh. Dia pun sama. Dulu aku boleh pegang phone dia, sekarang dah tukar keypad password - maknanya dia tak percaya aku not checking out his phone data.

While aku, dah pernah kena sekali macam ni where my ex suddenly changed his keypad password, aku lagilah tambah susah nak percaya dia. Aku fikir dan fikir; patut tak aku stay dalam relationship ni lagi or just blah. He's almost perfect (at least to me).. Memang dia bagi aku everything yang aku nak+perlu. Love, affection, less attention, boleh kata semua.. Tapi bila aku fikir rekod dia dengan bekas2 partner dia, aku jadi takut sangat nak letak seluruh kepercayaan kat dia. Aku sendiri tak tau kenapa. Maybe sebab dia dah tipu aku, even baru 2 bulan aku ber-partner dengan dia. Tapi kalau nak fikir positif pulak, dia bagi everything kat aku.. except - honesty. Pure honesty. Macam apa yang aku bagi kat dia. Tak pernah sekali pun aku tipu dia, nak pergi mana pun aku bagitau - sebelum atau selepas aktiviti aku yang dia tak ada terlibat.

Aku selalu fikir - why do people lie to their loved ones? kenapa? kalau nak jaga hati, bila eventually orang tu dapat tau jugak, won't things just get worse? Why can't you just tell the truth? It's not really a hard thing to do. People will feel better if you yourself tell the truth rather than dapat tau dari sumber lain.. Lagi hurt. Sakit wo.. Hati manusia bukan mainan, boleh sesuka hati je nak buat macam mana pun. Nak, ambik. Tak nak, tolak tepi. Apa erti ber-partner kalo tak boleh nak jujur+sincere? Ingat kapel2 ni main2 ke? Kalo niat kat hati tu nak main2, jangan gatal nak berkapel la. Skandal sudahh.. Takpun come clear that you don't want to be attached. Takdelah lukakan perasaan orang.

Bila dah declare partner, tu bukan makna nak commit ke? Kenapa ramai orang susah nak nampak yang hubungan bukan mainan? Hubungan bukan something that you can treat as pitstops. Relationships are serious, even as friends. Apatah lagi kalo ber-couple. Dah nama pun kekasih, tak kasih ke kat partner, sampai boleh tipu2? Kenapa kalau just nak berkawan tipu2? Just tell the truth la, if you want to be friends with anybody. Nobody would mind that. Everybody has friends (unless the partner is a jealous freak who wants to keep you under her blouse). There's nothing wrong about having friends, as long as you tell the truth. Tak ada sapa nak marah.

I've seen so many relationships that have lies in them, keeping secrets from partners, fiancees, spouses.. Kenapa mau tipu ha? Aku tak boleh hadam part ni. Otak aku jammed bila orang kata tipu sikit2 je, nak jaga hati.. White lies. You tell white lies during crucial moments that you know the truth will make your partner shrink with pain. You don't just sipmly tell white lies. Everybody knows that one lie leads to another and you'd have to create a whole new story to cover the truth. Kalau tak pandai buat cerita, tak lama kantoi lah.. Daripada kantoi, kan ke lebih baik kalo tak tipu dari awal2 lagi? Hidup senang, hati lapang, kepala pun tak pening nak jawab soalan2 untuk fix loose ends..

Aku tau, aku pun pernah menipu. Aku tipu and aku dah rasa macam mana keadaan bila kantoi. Kantoi bukan sikit2, kantoi best gila dengan mak aku. So, aku dah tak nak tipu sangat2 dah.. Tengok keadaan, bila rasa tipu takkan kantoi baru aku berani menipu. If not, just tell the truth. Simple. Bila rasa the truth boleh bagi kesan tak baik kat aku+life+family+future aku,baru aku menipu - in terms of tak jawab soalan2 cepumas yang orang2 tanya kat aku. Malulah kalo orang tau aku punya little black secret. Tapi itu aku tipu outsiders, bukan kat orang yang dekat dengan hati aku.

Thinking that a partner is not capable of telling the truth buat aku fikir, macam mana aku nak teruskan hidup - spend the rest of my life dengan the other half bila dia tak mau share dengan aku what he does everyday, who he meets, what happens etc. Susah untuk aku hidup dengan orang yang kuat berahsia, sebab aku bukan jenis macam tu. Whatever you feel, just feel free to express it. Happy, sad, frustrated, down - bukan time marah je baru nak express feeling. That's not fair, and the relationship will be nothing but a dull one. No laughs, no tears, no persuasion.. no nothing. Empty. Bila marah baru nampak ada sikit colours dalam relation. Takkanlah hari2 pun mau marah je.. haru biru relation kalo camtu.

Lies. Kenapa mesti tipu? Kenapa mesti simpan something tak bagi partner tau? Bila simpan2 rahsia kat diri sendiri - then you burst and the partner gets to know everything in a not so appropriate way. Dapat tau owh, dia tak suka aku macam ni, macam tu.. Takkan nak tunggu sampai macam tu sekali? That is not right. Talk, and when you talk, don't just talk bullshit - talk about good things, bad things, dissatisfaction, tell your partner what you want from them, and don't forget to ask what do they want from you. Relationships are supposed to be mutual - gives and takes, tolerance, trust, understanding each other. Kalo tak balance, kan namanya relation tu tak healthy? Serupa jugak dengan kawan2, mutualism. Imagine simple thing - drive kereta; kalo tak tekan minyak, kereta tak jalan, bila kereta tak jalan, kita tak sampai kat tempat yang kita nak pergi.. Sama jugak macam relationships. You need something and at the same time you need to give something as well.

Orang selalu kata, kalo you tak trust yor partner, might as well blah je. Tapi dalam kes aku, even aku tak percaya langsung kat dia, aku sibuk justify. Tell myself that it's just me being prepared if in case he cheats on me in the future. Tapi sampai bila aku nak macam ni? Sampai bila aku nak live in shadows? Aku sedar yang bila aku rasa unable to trust him when it comes to other women, aku taku sebenarnya. Aku taku kehilangan orang yang aku sayang lagi sebab perempuan lain. Otak aku memang boleh hadam kalo aku bukan jodoh dia, tapi aku rasa kalo lah jadi lagi dia curang dengan perempuan lain, maknanya 3x aku kena tipu, kena main, bf aku kena rampas or that he himself who wants to do that behind me, get entertainment from another woman. If that happens again, aku rasa aku tak terima lelaki dalam hidup aku dah kot (unless jodoh aku sampai). Takut, seriously takut.

Bila truth is replaced by lies, and when it all comes out - trust is not in the couple portrait anymore. The relationship will be shadowed by insecurity, suspicion, control etc. Sangatlah susah when you betray someone and they stick with you - there's no way you can earn their trust in say, a few days? No. You'll have to prove yourself. Show them that you can actually be trusted and that you won't ever lie again in the future. And, in order to do that, you'll need to answer each question honestly, report what you do to them, spend more quality time with them, show them you love+appreciate them. If you're lucky and you love that someone whom you never want to let go, they'll take you back. If not, you'll just prove yourself to another partner of yours.

Relationships are not simple. They require efforts, and those efforts we all make as partners will determine how the relationship will be - good, bad, serious, fun, loving, tensed, or just plain bland. Threats (of being dishonest, infidel) from the people around are just tests, to see for yourself whether or not you are a faithful partner. It's up to you to give in or wipe them off your shirt. If you treasure your relationship with your partner, avoid hurting her by telling lies (which she will find out sooner or later).

I read something from a book that says;

A liar isn't always a cheater, but a cheater is always a liar.

:cheers: