Tell me..
If you love someone,
would you lie to them?
If you treasure someone,
would you dare to hurt them?
If you love someone,
would you keep secrets from them?
If you appreciate someone,
would you make them cry?
If you love someone,
would you betray them?
If you care about someone,
would you keep them away from yourself?
If you love someone,
would you run from them?
If you love someone,
would you break them?
If you love someone,
why won't you be faithful?
If you love someone,
why would cheat on them?
If you love someone,
why can't you leave all the pleasures that lure you into infidelity?
If you love someone...
Actng Mets
- missnoperfect
- KL+UPM, Silver State., Malaysia
- This is like my electronic diary. I write what I feel. I write when I'm sad, angry, upset. I whine, I mourn, I curse, I cry here. If you don't like it, or you just want to know how pathetic my life is and use it against me, DON'T read.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Trust Issue Lagi..
I don't trust him. Aku tak tau kenapa, macam mana boleh jadi macam ni, tapi aku susah nak percaya kata2 dia. Buat la apa pun, aku tetap dah tak boleh nak percaya dia. Buat2 percaya je. To think about this, what's the point of staying with him if I don't even trust him? Haha. Soalan cepumas. Aku tengok dia, aku jadi tak sampai hati. Seriously tak sampai hati. Yes, aku tau aku sayang dia. Memang aku sayang dia. Tapi untuk letakkan 100% trust kat dia, no. Never. Aku takkan ulangi silap yang aku buat dulu. Percaya punya percaya, hidup2 aku kena tipu. Memang terbaik lah.
Bila aku tengok dia, aku tau, there's a lot of things that he keeps to himself. All the pain, offences, sacrifices that he actually doesn't have to do to others, aku nampak semua tu. He tries to fulfill everyone's wish and needs, tak kira macam mana pun dia tetap akan cuba penuhi kalo ada orang/kawan yang mintak tolong dia. Itu salah satu persamaan aku dengan dia. (dia yang notice dulu, aku setuju je) Aku tak nak dia bersusah sangat untuk orang lain, bila orang tak appreciate jasa dia. Aku nak tatang dia, nak jaga, treat him right, make him feel comfortable when he's with me. And that aku nak dia sayang aku for who I am. Bukan sebab duit ke, rupa ke apa ke - kalo sebab rupa, tua nanti huduh jugak aku nanti. Dah huduh, dia nak pergi cari yang muda2 pulak? Macam tu? Aih..
Kalo nak diikutkan hati aku, dari segi apa pun, ciri dia memang tak kena dengan aku. Memang totally bukan taste aku. Aku pun reti pilih rupa jugak, bukan main cekup je sapa2 pun. Tak lawa anak2 aku nanti. Haha. Let's see, slanted eyes, bukan taste aku. Aku minat mata bundar/deep eyes. Badan besar, bukan taste aku. Aku suka yang sedang2 je. Kalo muscular tu kira bonus lah. Hihi. Tinggi gila untuk aku, jenuh aku nak sesuaikan diri dengan dia. Tinggi sangat! Aku 160cm. Cari yang dalam 175cm ke, OK lah. Lepas tu, rambut panjang. Memang la aku tak minat, biar rambut tu pendek, nampak kemas. Aku suka+selesa. Dah tu, temper tak ingat. Aku ni lembut, so aku kalo boleh tak nak la lelaki yang jenis kasar/panas baran. Aku cari stok2 yang gentle, tak kasar, suara tak macam petir kat langit nu.
Lagi satu, kalo nak diikutkan hati aku, memang la aku tak ber-partner dengan dia. Sebab? Dia tu ex kawan aku! Mana la aku boleh nak sapu bekas kawan aku (even aku dah buat pun). Rasa bersalah sampai bila2 kot. Dari mula lagi, aku memang tak nak dia. Not him, I wanted the other guy. He fits my type. Mostly. I didn't like him, I wanted to stay away from him. I didn't want to be a backstabber. But he kept chasing over me. Willing to do anything, buy me anything, drive me everywhere. He showed effort. And I'm touched.
Seriously if people ask me how did I end up with him? I'll just tell them it's fate. Ya, fate. I didn't want him in the first place. He craved for me. He always found ways to see me, to hang out with me etc. And when the relationship became so tensed, I gave in; gambled - thinking that this man could be the one for me. This man could give me everything I need. Gila macam mana aku justify perasaan aku, aku manipulate hati aku untuk terima dia and forget the other guy. Guilt is everywhere at first - felt like I'm lying to him about my feelings when I told him I'm falling for him but actually I haven't. I still had feelings for the other guy. Payah sungguh!
I justified everything, manipulated every single teeny weeny feelings so that I can actually really see him as who he is - the Love, attention, affection. How he chased me, how I tried running away, how he seemed so enthusiastic in making me his girl - take a good care of me, tried to give me everything I need, felt like I was a princess then. But, yeah, eventually I melted. After trying hard manipulating myself into loving him, I do now, Love him.
But there's a problem.
I don't trust him! No matter what he does, I can't put total trust on him anymore. He'll have to really prove himself to me, what he's worth of. After what he did to me - all those lies and so on, he'll need to prove that he's the Man! Or else, what will be? Guess we'll just part ways..
Bila aku tengok dia, aku tau, there's a lot of things that he keeps to himself. All the pain, offences, sacrifices that he actually doesn't have to do to others, aku nampak semua tu. He tries to fulfill everyone's wish and needs, tak kira macam mana pun dia tetap akan cuba penuhi kalo ada orang/kawan yang mintak tolong dia. Itu salah satu persamaan aku dengan dia. (dia yang notice dulu, aku setuju je) Aku tak nak dia bersusah sangat untuk orang lain, bila orang tak appreciate jasa dia. Aku nak tatang dia, nak jaga, treat him right, make him feel comfortable when he's with me. And that aku nak dia sayang aku for who I am. Bukan sebab duit ke, rupa ke apa ke - kalo sebab rupa, tua nanti huduh jugak aku nanti. Dah huduh, dia nak pergi cari yang muda2 pulak? Macam tu? Aih..
Kalo nak diikutkan hati aku, dari segi apa pun, ciri dia memang tak kena dengan aku. Memang totally bukan taste aku. Aku pun reti pilih rupa jugak, bukan main cekup je sapa2 pun. Tak lawa anak2 aku nanti. Haha. Let's see, slanted eyes, bukan taste aku. Aku minat mata bundar/deep eyes. Badan besar, bukan taste aku. Aku suka yang sedang2 je. Kalo muscular tu kira bonus lah. Hihi. Tinggi gila untuk aku, jenuh aku nak sesuaikan diri dengan dia. Tinggi sangat! Aku 160cm. Cari yang dalam 175cm ke, OK lah. Lepas tu, rambut panjang. Memang la aku tak minat, biar rambut tu pendek, nampak kemas. Aku suka+selesa. Dah tu, temper tak ingat. Aku ni lembut, so aku kalo boleh tak nak la lelaki yang jenis kasar/panas baran. Aku cari stok2 yang gentle, tak kasar, suara tak macam petir kat langit nu.
Lagi satu, kalo nak diikutkan hati aku, memang la aku tak ber-partner dengan dia. Sebab? Dia tu ex kawan aku! Mana la aku boleh nak sapu bekas kawan aku (even aku dah buat pun). Rasa bersalah sampai bila2 kot. Dari mula lagi, aku memang tak nak dia. Not him, I wanted the other guy. He fits my type. Mostly. I didn't like him, I wanted to stay away from him. I didn't want to be a backstabber. But he kept chasing over me. Willing to do anything, buy me anything, drive me everywhere. He showed effort. And I'm touched.
Seriously if people ask me how did I end up with him? I'll just tell them it's fate. Ya, fate. I didn't want him in the first place. He craved for me. He always found ways to see me, to hang out with me etc. And when the relationship became so tensed, I gave in; gambled - thinking that this man could be the one for me. This man could give me everything I need. Gila macam mana aku justify perasaan aku, aku manipulate hati aku untuk terima dia and forget the other guy. Guilt is everywhere at first - felt like I'm lying to him about my feelings when I told him I'm falling for him but actually I haven't. I still had feelings for the other guy. Payah sungguh!
I justified everything, manipulated every single teeny weeny feelings so that I can actually really see him as who he is - the Love, attention, affection. How he chased me, how I tried running away, how he seemed so enthusiastic in making me his girl - take a good care of me, tried to give me everything I need, felt like I was a princess then. But, yeah, eventually I melted. After trying hard manipulating myself into loving him, I do now, Love him.
But there's a problem.
I don't trust him! No matter what he does, I can't put total trust on him anymore. He'll have to really prove himself to me, what he's worth of. After what he did to me - all those lies and so on, he'll need to prove that he's the Man! Or else, what will be? Guess we'll just part ways..
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Trust..
Baru2 ni aku encountered lie from someone dear. He keeps secrets from me - perhaps sebab dia tak nak lukakan hati aku, or perhaps he simply doesn't want to tell me. Dia keluar, bawak balik ada la sorang minah ni and aku tak tau, and when I get to know about this aku call minah tu suruh dia jangan kacau2 partner aku lagi. Puas tu memang la puas hati, tapi ada lagi satu masalah when it comes to him: I can't trust him anymore, tak boleh. Dia pun sama. Dulu aku boleh pegang phone dia, sekarang dah tukar keypad password - maknanya dia tak percaya aku not checking out his phone data.
While aku, dah pernah kena sekali macam ni where my ex suddenly changed his keypad password, aku lagilah tambah susah nak percaya dia. Aku fikir dan fikir; patut tak aku stay dalam relationship ni lagi or just blah. He's almost perfect (at least to me).. Memang dia bagi aku everything yang aku nak+perlu. Love, affection,less attention, boleh kata semua.. Tapi bila aku fikir rekod dia dengan bekas2 partner dia, aku jadi takut sangat nak letak seluruh kepercayaan kat dia. Aku sendiri tak tau kenapa. Maybe sebab dia dah tipu aku, even baru 2 bulan aku ber-partner dengan dia. Tapi kalau nak fikir positif pulak, dia bagi everything kat aku.. except - honesty. Pure honesty. Macam apa yang aku bagi kat dia. Tak pernah sekali pun aku tipu dia, nak pergi mana pun aku bagitau - sebelum atau selepas aktiviti aku yang dia tak ada terlibat.
Aku selalu fikir - why do people lie to their loved ones? kenapa? kalau nak jaga hati, bila eventually orang tu dapat tau jugak, won't things just get worse? Why can't you just tell the truth? It's not really a hard thing to do. People will feel better if you yourself tell the truth rather than dapat tau dari sumber lain.. Lagi hurt. Sakit wo.. Hati manusia bukan mainan, boleh sesuka hati je nak buat macam mana pun. Nak, ambik. Tak nak, tolak tepi. Apa erti ber-partner kalo tak boleh nak jujur+sincere? Ingat kapel2 ni main2 ke? Kalo niat kat hati tu nak main2, jangan gatal nak berkapel la. Skandal sudahh.. Takpun come clear that you don't want to be attached. Takdelah lukakan perasaan orang.
Bila dah declare partner, tu bukan makna nak commit ke? Kenapa ramai orang susah nak nampak yang hubungan bukan mainan? Hubungan bukan something that you can treat as pitstops. Relationships are serious, even as friends. Apatah lagi kalo ber-couple. Dah nama pun kekasih, tak kasih ke kat partner, sampai boleh tipu2? Kenapa kalau just nak berkawan tipu2? Just tell the truth la, if you want to be friends with anybody. Nobody would mind that. Everybody has friends (unless the partner is a jealous freak who wants to keep you under her blouse). There's nothing wrong about having friends, as long as you tell the truth. Tak ada sapa nak marah.
I've seen so many relationships that have lies in them, keeping secrets from partners, fiancees, spouses.. Kenapa mau tipu ha? Aku tak boleh hadam part ni. Otak aku jammed bila orang kata tipu sikit2 je, nak jaga hati.. White lies. You tell white lies during crucial moments that you know the truth will make your partner shrink with pain. You don't just sipmly tell white lies. Everybody knows that one lie leads to another and you'd have to create a whole new story to cover the truth. Kalau tak pandai buat cerita, tak lama kantoi lah.. Daripada kantoi, kan ke lebih baik kalo tak tipu dari awal2 lagi? Hidup senang, hati lapang, kepala pun tak pening nak jawab soalan2 untuk fix loose ends..
Aku tau, aku pun pernah menipu. Aku tipu and aku dah rasa macam mana keadaan bila kantoi. Kantoi bukan sikit2, kantoi best gila dengan mak aku. So, aku dah tak nak tipu sangat2 dah.. Tengok keadaan, bila rasa tipu takkan kantoi baru aku berani menipu. If not, just tell the truth. Simple. Bila rasa the truth boleh bagi kesan tak baik kat aku+life+family+future aku,baru aku menipu - in terms of tak jawab soalan2 cepumas yang orang2 tanya kat aku. Malulah kalo orang tau aku punya little black secret. Tapi itu aku tipu outsiders, bukan kat orang yang dekat dengan hati aku.
Thinking that a partner is not capable of telling the truth buat aku fikir, macam mana aku nak teruskan hidup - spend the rest of my life dengan the other half bila dia tak mau share dengan aku what he does everyday, who he meets, what happens etc. Susah untuk aku hidup dengan orang yang kuat berahsia, sebab aku bukan jenis macam tu. Whatever you feel, just feel free to express it. Happy, sad, frustrated, down - bukan time marah je baru nak express feeling. That's not fair, and the relationship will be nothing but a dull one. No laughs, no tears, no persuasion.. no nothing. Empty. Bila marah baru nampak ada sikit colours dalam relation. Takkanlah hari2 pun mau marah je.. haru biru relation kalo camtu.
Lies. Kenapa mesti tipu? Kenapa mesti simpan something tak bagi partner tau? Bila simpan2 rahsia kat diri sendiri - then you burst and the partner gets to know everything in a not so appropriate way. Dapat tau owh, dia tak suka aku macam ni, macam tu.. Takkan nak tunggu sampai macam tu sekali? That is not right. Talk, and when you talk, don't just talk bullshit - talk about good things, bad things, dissatisfaction, tell your partner what you want from them, and don't forget to ask what do they want from you. Relationships are supposed to be mutual - gives and takes, tolerance, trust, understanding each other. Kalo tak balance, kan namanya relation tu tak healthy? Serupa jugak dengan kawan2, mutualism. Imagine simple thing - drive kereta; kalo tak tekan minyak, kereta tak jalan, bila kereta tak jalan, kita tak sampai kat tempat yang kita nak pergi.. Sama jugak macam relationships. You need something and at the same time you need to give something as well.
Orang selalu kata, kalo you tak trust yor partner, might as well blah je. Tapi dalam kes aku, even aku tak percaya langsung kat dia, aku sibuk justify. Tell myself that it's just me being prepared if in case he cheats on me in the future. Tapi sampai bila aku nak macam ni? Sampai bila aku nak live in shadows? Aku sedar yang bila aku rasa unable to trust him when it comes to other women, aku taku sebenarnya. Aku taku kehilangan orang yang aku sayang lagi sebab perempuan lain. Otak aku memang boleh hadam kalo aku bukan jodoh dia, tapi aku rasa kalo lah jadi lagi dia curang dengan perempuan lain, maknanya 3x aku kena tipu, kena main, bf aku kena rampas or that he himself who wants to do that behind me, get entertainment from another woman. If that happens again, aku rasa aku tak terima lelaki dalam hidup aku dah kot (unless jodoh aku sampai). Takut, seriously takut.
Bila truth is replaced by lies, and when it all comes out - trust is not in the couple portrait anymore. The relationship will be shadowed by insecurity, suspicion, control etc. Sangatlah susah when you betray someone and they stick with you - there's no way you can earn their trust in say, a few days? No. You'll have to prove yourself. Show them that you can actually be trusted and that you won't ever lie again in the future. And, in order to do that, you'll need to answer each question honestly, report what you do to them, spend more quality time with them, show them you love+appreciate them. If you're lucky and you love that someone whom you never want to let go, they'll take you back. If not, you'll just prove yourself to another partner of yours.
Relationships are not simple. They require efforts, and those efforts we all make as partners will determine how the relationship will be - good, bad, serious, fun, loving, tensed, or just plain bland. Threats (of being dishonest, infidel) from the people around are just tests, to see for yourself whether or not you are a faithful partner. It's up to you to give in or wipe them off your shirt. If you treasure your relationship with your partner, avoid hurting her by telling lies (which she will find out sooner or later).
I read something from a book that says;
While aku, dah pernah kena sekali macam ni where my ex suddenly changed his keypad password, aku lagilah tambah susah nak percaya dia. Aku fikir dan fikir; patut tak aku stay dalam relationship ni lagi or just blah. He's almost perfect (at least to me).. Memang dia bagi aku everything yang aku nak+perlu. Love, affection,
Aku selalu fikir - why do people lie to their loved ones? kenapa? kalau nak jaga hati, bila eventually orang tu dapat tau jugak, won't things just get worse? Why can't you just tell the truth? It's not really a hard thing to do. People will feel better if you yourself tell the truth rather than dapat tau dari sumber lain.. Lagi hurt. Sakit wo.. Hati manusia bukan mainan, boleh sesuka hati je nak buat macam mana pun. Nak, ambik. Tak nak, tolak tepi. Apa erti ber-partner kalo tak boleh nak jujur+sincere? Ingat kapel2 ni main2 ke? Kalo niat kat hati tu nak main2, jangan gatal nak berkapel la. Skandal sudahh.. Takpun come clear that you don't want to be attached. Takdelah lukakan perasaan orang.
Bila dah declare partner, tu bukan makna nak commit ke? Kenapa ramai orang susah nak nampak yang hubungan bukan mainan? Hubungan bukan something that you can treat as pitstops. Relationships are serious, even as friends. Apatah lagi kalo ber-couple. Dah nama pun kekasih, tak kasih ke kat partner, sampai boleh tipu2? Kenapa kalau just nak berkawan tipu2? Just tell the truth la, if you want to be friends with anybody. Nobody would mind that. Everybody has friends (unless the partner is a jealous freak who wants to keep you under her blouse). There's nothing wrong about having friends, as long as you tell the truth. Tak ada sapa nak marah.
I've seen so many relationships that have lies in them, keeping secrets from partners, fiancees, spouses.. Kenapa mau tipu ha? Aku tak boleh hadam part ni. Otak aku jammed bila orang kata tipu sikit2 je, nak jaga hati.. White lies. You tell white lies during crucial moments that you know the truth will make your partner shrink with pain. You don't just sipmly tell white lies. Everybody knows that one lie leads to another and you'd have to create a whole new story to cover the truth. Kalau tak pandai buat cerita, tak lama kantoi lah.. Daripada kantoi, kan ke lebih baik kalo tak tipu dari awal2 lagi? Hidup senang, hati lapang, kepala pun tak pening nak jawab soalan2 untuk fix loose ends..
Aku tau, aku pun pernah menipu. Aku tipu and aku dah rasa macam mana keadaan bila kantoi. Kantoi bukan sikit2, kantoi best gila dengan mak aku. So, aku dah tak nak tipu sangat2 dah.. Tengok keadaan, bila rasa tipu takkan kantoi baru aku berani menipu. If not, just tell the truth. Simple. Bila rasa the truth boleh bagi kesan tak baik kat aku+life+family+future aku,baru aku menipu - in terms of tak jawab soalan2 cepumas yang orang2 tanya kat aku. Malulah kalo orang tau aku punya little black secret. Tapi itu aku tipu outsiders, bukan kat orang yang dekat dengan hati aku.
Thinking that a partner is not capable of telling the truth buat aku fikir, macam mana aku nak teruskan hidup - spend the rest of my life dengan the other half bila dia tak mau share dengan aku what he does everyday, who he meets, what happens etc. Susah untuk aku hidup dengan orang yang kuat berahsia, sebab aku bukan jenis macam tu. Whatever you feel, just feel free to express it. Happy, sad, frustrated, down - bukan time marah je baru nak express feeling. That's not fair, and the relationship will be nothing but a dull one. No laughs, no tears, no persuasion.. no nothing. Empty. Bila marah baru nampak ada sikit colours dalam relation. Takkanlah hari2 pun mau marah je.. haru biru relation kalo camtu.
Lies. Kenapa mesti tipu? Kenapa mesti simpan something tak bagi partner tau? Bila simpan2 rahsia kat diri sendiri - then you burst and the partner gets to know everything in a not so appropriate way. Dapat tau owh, dia tak suka aku macam ni, macam tu.. Takkan nak tunggu sampai macam tu sekali? That is not right. Talk, and when you talk, don't just talk bullshit - talk about good things, bad things, dissatisfaction, tell your partner what you want from them, and don't forget to ask what do they want from you. Relationships are supposed to be mutual - gives and takes, tolerance, trust, understanding each other. Kalo tak balance, kan namanya relation tu tak healthy? Serupa jugak dengan kawan2, mutualism. Imagine simple thing - drive kereta; kalo tak tekan minyak, kereta tak jalan, bila kereta tak jalan, kita tak sampai kat tempat yang kita nak pergi.. Sama jugak macam relationships. You need something and at the same time you need to give something as well.
Orang selalu kata, kalo you tak trust yor partner, might as well blah je. Tapi dalam kes aku, even aku tak percaya langsung kat dia, aku sibuk justify. Tell myself that it's just me being prepared if in case he cheats on me in the future. Tapi sampai bila aku nak macam ni? Sampai bila aku nak live in shadows? Aku sedar yang bila aku rasa unable to trust him when it comes to other women, aku taku sebenarnya. Aku taku kehilangan orang yang aku sayang lagi sebab perempuan lain. Otak aku memang boleh hadam kalo aku bukan jodoh dia, tapi aku rasa kalo lah jadi lagi dia curang dengan perempuan lain, maknanya 3x aku kena tipu, kena main, bf aku kena rampas or that he himself who wants to do that behind me, get entertainment from another woman. If that happens again, aku rasa aku tak terima lelaki dalam hidup aku dah kot (unless jodoh aku sampai). Takut, seriously takut.
Bila truth is replaced by lies, and when it all comes out - trust is not in the couple portrait anymore. The relationship will be shadowed by insecurity, suspicion, control etc. Sangatlah susah when you betray someone and they stick with you - there's no way you can earn their trust in say, a few days? No. You'll have to prove yourself. Show them that you can actually be trusted and that you won't ever lie again in the future. And, in order to do that, you'll need to answer each question honestly, report what you do to them, spend more quality time with them, show them you love+appreciate them. If you're lucky and you love that someone whom you never want to let go, they'll take you back. If not, you'll just prove yourself to another partner of yours.
Relationships are not simple. They require efforts, and those efforts we all make as partners will determine how the relationship will be - good, bad, serious, fun, loving, tensed, or just plain bland. Threats (of being dishonest, infidel) from the people around are just tests, to see for yourself whether or not you are a faithful partner. It's up to you to give in or wipe them off your shirt. If you treasure your relationship with your partner, avoid hurting her by telling lies (which she will find out sooner or later).
I read something from a book that says;
A liar isn't always a cheater, but a cheater is always a liar.
:cheers:
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A Conversation, A Warning, Whatever You Wanna Call It.
There's this girl who has been bugging my Darl (I think it was her, not him) and doesn't seem to want to step back, even she knows he's attached. So I called her, tell her how she has to stay away from my boyfriend and leave him alone. Then I texted her further asking her to back down. Here goes..
Me:: Lia, I call U tadi. I'm his girlfriend, he's not with Farah anymore. I hope U faham kenapa I call U tadi, and I hope U tak besarkan hal ni kat office. I did that because I don't want just friends become another story. I really hope U faham pasal ni and keep this between us. I just don't want to lose him. Please..
Her:: Who are U actually? I'm not interested in making enemy. About Nazim, we're just friends. Don't worry. I'll keep my promise that i'll stay away from him. U take care gurl. Godbless
Me:: I'm his girlfriend. And he's been lying about his activities with U guys. As a woman, I think U could understand. Appreciate your consideration. Good day
Her:: Lying about his activities? What it supposes to mean? I didn't get it. But I don't blame U. Plus, i don't want to involve in this shit. I'm not a desperate bitch..
Me:: I know. But shit happens. I called U because I've talked to him about this, but nothing happened. I'm pretty much in the dark, everyone in S*G thinks he's still with Farah, only a few know he's with me now. And I can't afford to face another infidelity.
Her:: Sorry to say, i don't give a damn. We're just friends. U can have Nazim of yours back K. Please just stop disturbung me. I'm too old to involve in this 'lovey dovey' thing..
Me:: Give a damn or not, I'm just being cautious. U don't know him, and his capabilities. One thing I ask from U, please keep our conversation discreet and be ethical on being a friend. Thanks for understanding.
Her:: Anything U wish gurl. I think we should stop here. Stop calling and texting me. I don't want this shit spoil my good life. Enuf said. Bye.
Me:: Yah. Stop clinging on my boyfriend as well. U have a pleasant day.
Her:: I think U need psychology therapy badly. U outta control. U too have a good day. Take care of your boyfriend. Bye
Me:: Nope. I don't. Just looking after what's mine. U don't even know me. So quit judging. I asked for a simple thing. Leave him alone. Not a tough thing to do right? Cheers
Aannddd she didn't reply.
Why I did this? I'm really not sure why, but what I know is that I have to defend, take care, look after or whatever they wanna call it - of the thing, or the person that I treasure, that I love. I had enough real horror experience about guys cheating on me. And this guy, although I know he's got the word infidel in his love resume, I was keen to give it a try, lest I may change him into a better person. I can just try, give it my real effort, blood and sweat so he could realize how cheating is simply unacceptable under any circumstances in love. Not one.
Nevertheless, all I can do is try and hope he'd change. Pray The Almighty.
Then, the morning after those text replies, she text me again - asking who I really was. I've told her in the previous conversation but she didn't seem to get it.Quite a slow learner I'd say. So, here goes..
Me:: Lia, I call U tadi. I'm his girlfriend, he's not with Farah anymore. I hope U faham kenapa I call U tadi, and I hope U tak besarkan hal ni kat office. I did that because I don't want just friends become another story. I really hope U faham pasal ni and keep this between us. I just don't want to lose him. Please..
Her:: Who are U actually? I'm not interested in making enemy. About Nazim, we're just friends. Don't worry. I'll keep my promise that i'll stay away from him. U take care gurl. Godbless
Me:: I'm his girlfriend. And he's been lying about his activities with U guys. As a woman, I think U could understand. Appreciate your consideration. Good day
Her:: Lying about his activities? What it supposes to mean? I didn't get it. But I don't blame U. Plus, i don't want to involve in this shit. I'm not a desperate bitch..
Me:: I know. But shit happens. I called U because I've talked to him about this, but nothing happened. I'm pretty much in the dark, everyone in S*G thinks he's still with Farah, only a few know he's with me now. And I can't afford to face another infidelity.
Her:: Sorry to say, i don't give a damn. We're just friends. U can have Nazim of yours back K. Please just stop disturbung me. I'm too old to involve in this 'lovey dovey' thing..
Me:: Give a damn or not, I'm just being cautious. U don't know him, and his capabilities. One thing I ask from U, please keep our conversation discreet and be ethical on being a friend. Thanks for understanding.
Her:: Anything U wish gurl. I think we should stop here. Stop calling and texting me. I don't want this shit spoil my good life. Enuf said. Bye.
Me:: Yah. Stop clinging on my boyfriend as well. U have a pleasant day.
Her:: I think U need psychology therapy badly. U outta control. U too have a good day. Take care of your boyfriend. Bye
Me:: Nope. I don't. Just looking after what's mine. U don't even know me. So quit judging. I asked for a simple thing. Leave him alone. Not a tough thing to do right? Cheers
Aannddd she didn't reply.
Why I did this? I'm really not sure why, but what I know is that I have to defend, take care, look after or whatever they wanna call it - of the thing, or the person that I treasure, that I love. I had enough real horror experience about guys cheating on me. And this guy, although I know he's got the word infidel in his love resume, I was keen to give it a try, lest I may change him into a better person. I can just try, give it my real effort, blood and sweat so he could realize how cheating is simply unacceptable under any circumstances in love. Not one.
Nevertheless, all I can do is try and hope he'd change. Pray The Almighty.
Then, the morning after those text replies, she text me again - asking who I really was. I've told her in the previous conversation but she didn't seem to get it.
Her:: What are u trying to talk to me last night? You called me at 4.30am and if you’re not Farah, who are you actually?
Me:: It’s not important who I am, if he tells you he’s with Farah, he is then..
Her:: Huh? I didn’t get what you mean. You know what. I think Farah is better than you. Enuf said. I don’t think I should stop be friends with Nazim coz he’s FRIEND of mine
Me:: Well, if you really want to know, Farah is history. He is now with me. That’s why i’m the one who called instead of Farah.
Her:: So who are you?
Me:: No need to know lah.. When it’s time, we’ll get to know each other.. sooner or later..
Her:: What do you mean sooner or later? Why you wanna meet me? How did you get my number btw?
Me:: I know what a woman should do when she feels threaten. If we get a chance to meet, you’ll get to know me. If not, you just know me as Nazim’s girl..
Her:: Threaten? Make it simple K. You are Nazim’s gurl and I’m just his friend. So?
Me:: Fine lah.. You’re his friend. But I don’t want to hear you guys hangout at nights etc. I’ve had nuff women stealing my boyfriend.
Her:: Stealing your bf? Haha. What a joke. I’m not interested in making commitment. Enuf said
Me:: I’m not saying you are stealing him. Like I said, I’m being cautious. Now that you know his girlfriend minds about you hanging out with him at nights, I suppose you should respect that.
Her:: We are from different background, different brain. If I said he’s my friend, he’ll be forever. I know my gap and I got pride. You should respect it. That’s the difference between me and you. Clear?
Me:: Whatever makes you sleep at night honey. We’re done here. You get what I mean and I understand you enough. Let’s put a stone here.
Her:: I’m done too. So it’s my right to be friend with anyone I want and you have right to control your Nazim. Enuf said. Learn to be unique. Sweet dream. Bye
Me:: You too. Just a little reminder: know your limits.. Thanks for understanding. Nite..
I guess I made it clear to her that I don't want her to anywhere near my guy. I know some may see this as a stupid2 action, but I need to do something to not lose again. I know she's wealthy, but another thing I know that I'm ten times better than her in any way, except money. (a bit exaggeration though)
Yes, he's mad. He's mad that what I did may jeopardize his reputation at work since they are colleagues. I know that, but I didn't see any other way. She seems to be calling him and always texting him at nights. At nights! Now that's one thing I cannot accept. She knows he's attached and still she looks for him. What kind of desperate is she? Isn't there any eligible bachelor who's not attached at work, that she still looks for him?
What a despicable species.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Battle Hopper
Hari ni, tak pergi kelas.. tidur sampai lebam kat rumah Pak Jay. Bangun, Darl nak pergi kerja dia hantar aku balik rumah, aku tanya petnag ni ambik aku tak, dia kata 'ye, nanti petna gbalik kerja I amik U' then dia terus pergi kerja. Petang, aku tunggu2 dia datang - dari pukul 6 petang aku tunggu sampai la pukul 7. Bila aku call dia tak angkat, dua kali aku call, then mesej lepas tu aku call lagi sekali baru dia angkat. Aku tanya, 'u datang amik I tak?' Suara dia dengar macam tegang gila, macam tengah bengang/marah. Marah aku sebab tanya pasal dia datang ke tak aku pun tak tau la..
Tadi siang aku tinggal laptop kat rumah Pak Jay, ingatkan nak mintak tolong dia formatkan laptop aku masuk Windows 7 tapi bila aku tanya Darl tadi, dia kata 'Jay tak buat lagi, kan dia kerja?' aku tau la dia kerja, aku tanya je kot. Takkan la nak tanya pun tak boleh sampai dia nak marah2 aku? Salah ke aku nak tanya? Entah kenapa aku sedih sangat bila dia marah2 aku macam tu tadi, rasa macam aku ni tah sapa2 je yang tanya dia pasal hal peribadi yang buat dia marah. Tak boleh ke dia cakap baik2? Aku ni dah la hati tisu, lagi2 dengan dia, orang yang paling dekat dalam hati aku, mestila aku expect dia at least cakap tak menengking-nengking dengan aku. Terasa sungguh lah..
Aku nak jumpa dia, itu pun tak boleh jugak? Aih...tak tau la aku macam mana nak handle lelaki sorang ni.. Kenapa lelaki pun ada mood swings ha? Aku ingat orang pompuan je yang selalu ada mood swings. Kalo ye pun tengah marah, jangan la lepas kat aku. Aku tatau pape, call2 terus dapat tengking dia. Ikut hati nak aje aku marah balik, tapi aku tau api tak boleh bagi minyak, so aku diam je. Cari rokok, lepas tension hisap rokok kat luar.
Dok kat luar, aku tengok je motor dia yang ada dia tinggal kat rumah - Battle Hopper. Aku naik motor tu, tatau kenapa tiba2 aku rasa sedih sangat bila teringat kat dia. And entah la jugak kenapa aku rasa macam motor tu paham aku (macam orang la pulak) tengah sedih pasal tuan dia buat hal. Aku hisap rokok atas motor tu, habis hisap rokok, aku peluk motor tu menangis mengadu kat dia. Entah gila apa buat aku sampai boleh pergi mengadu kat motor. Tapi tulah, aku rasa macam motor tu hidup - macam ada soul.
Duduk lama kat atas motor tu, aku still megharap kat dia untuk datang and I can see him. But I think that is just a mere empty hope. Deep inside, amongst hopes for him, aku tau dia takkan datang kat aku malam ni. Aku berfikir sendiri, apa la yang dia buat sampai aku call pun tak angkat, mesej aku hantar pun tak berbalas. Sibuk sangat ke pun sampai a single text saying that he's busy pun tak boleh reply?
Sedih la. Adoi...
Bila datang situation macam ni, aku mula la fikir bukan2.. Tak la sampai aku nak doubt dia, tapi after all those things yang jadi kat aku dengan lelaki2 sebelum ni buat aku jadi takut - takut dicurangi lagi sekali. Aku takut aku kehilangan orang yang aku sayang..lagi sekali. Aku tak sanggup.
Malam ni, aku buat kerja gila bila frust dengan bf sendiri - pergi mengadu kat motor dia yang aku rasa macam ada soul. seolah-olah motor tu faham dengan keadaan aku - miserable sangat2 malam ni.
Gila ke aku?
Berfikir atas motor..
Tadi siang aku tinggal laptop kat rumah Pak Jay, ingatkan nak mintak tolong dia formatkan laptop aku masuk Windows 7 tapi bila aku tanya Darl tadi, dia kata 'Jay tak buat lagi, kan dia kerja?' aku tau la dia kerja, aku tanya je kot. Takkan la nak tanya pun tak boleh sampai dia nak marah2 aku? Salah ke aku nak tanya? Entah kenapa aku sedih sangat bila dia marah2 aku macam tu tadi, rasa macam aku ni tah sapa2 je yang tanya dia pasal hal peribadi yang buat dia marah. Tak boleh ke dia cakap baik2? Aku ni dah la hati tisu, lagi2 dengan dia, orang yang paling dekat dalam hati aku, mestila aku expect dia at least cakap tak menengking-nengking dengan aku. Terasa sungguh lah..
Aku nak jumpa dia, itu pun tak boleh jugak? Aih...tak tau la aku macam mana nak handle lelaki sorang ni.. Kenapa lelaki pun ada mood swings ha? Aku ingat orang pompuan je yang selalu ada mood swings. Kalo ye pun tengah marah, jangan la lepas kat aku. Aku tatau pape, call2 terus dapat tengking dia. Ikut hati nak aje aku marah balik, tapi aku tau api tak boleh bagi minyak, so aku diam je. Cari rokok, lepas tension hisap rokok kat luar.
Dok kat luar, aku tengok je motor dia yang ada dia tinggal kat rumah - Battle Hopper. Aku naik motor tu, tatau kenapa tiba2 aku rasa sedih sangat bila teringat kat dia. And entah la jugak kenapa aku rasa macam motor tu paham aku (macam orang la pulak) tengah sedih pasal tuan dia buat hal. Aku hisap rokok atas motor tu, habis hisap rokok, aku peluk motor tu menangis mengadu kat dia. Entah gila apa buat aku sampai boleh pergi mengadu kat motor. Tapi tulah, aku rasa macam motor tu hidup - macam ada soul.
Duduk lama kat atas motor tu, aku still megharap kat dia untuk datang and I can see him. But I think that is just a mere empty hope. Deep inside, amongst hopes for him, aku tau dia takkan datang kat aku malam ni. Aku berfikir sendiri, apa la yang dia buat sampai aku call pun tak angkat, mesej aku hantar pun tak berbalas. Sibuk sangat ke pun sampai a single text saying that he's busy pun tak boleh reply?
Sedih la. Adoi...
Bila datang situation macam ni, aku mula la fikir bukan2.. Tak la sampai aku nak doubt dia, tapi after all those things yang jadi kat aku dengan lelaki2 sebelum ni buat aku jadi takut - takut dicurangi lagi sekali. Aku takut aku kehilangan orang yang aku sayang..lagi sekali. Aku tak sanggup.
Malam ni, aku buat kerja gila bila frust dengan bf sendiri - pergi mengadu kat motor dia yang aku rasa macam ada soul. seolah-olah motor tu faham dengan keadaan aku - miserable sangat2 malam ni.
Gila ke aku?
Berfikir atas motor..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)