You Stole My Star. Lalala~

I don't know what to say. Tapi aku rasa weird gila bila aku jumpa balik dengan dia. I mean, part of me memang tergedik2 terketaq2 nak jumpa dia, but the other part macam takut. Sebab aku rasa macam tak patut je jumpa dia. Should I? Should I not?

Question mark.

Tapi dah tak boleh nak buat apa2. Benda dah jadi. And knowing this, aku rasa macam aku tak sepatutnya buat semua ni. Sebab aku tau dia macam mana, and aku tau whatever happens, at the end of the day aku sorang je yang akan be alone & hurt. Bukan dia. Silly, macam mana la aku boleh ingat yang dia akan buat aku happy even for the slightest moment? Tak boleh blah betul.

On the other thought, aku rasa, he just doesn't care. Dia lagi suka mind his own business dengan kawan2 dia rather than try to console aku, for that matter. Bila aku tunjuk yang aku tak suka certain things yang dia buat, or aku start asking him questions, dia avoid. Seboleh2nya dia nak elak dari jawab soalan2 aku. Kenapa? Apa yang dia nak rahsiakan daripada aku?

What, he's trying to hide how he really feels for me? Really? Then why bother? Kenapa dia nak susah2 spend masa untuk aku & even susahkan diri dia sendiri untuk aku? For what? Just to prove that he's a gentleman? Come on, aku bukan kenal dia semalam. Aku tau dia inside out. But the point is, KENAPA?

I don't get it.

Nak play games dengan aku? We both know each other too well untuk main2 la. Aku tak rasa perlu pun nak main2 ni. Unless he plans to avenge himself sebab aku dah buat dia frust not too long ago. Tapi dia sendiri tau that it was his own fault. Bukannya aku saja2 nak withdraw. Bukannya aku ada jantan lain. Dah dua bulan aku single kot. Kalau aku blah sebab jantan lain, aku dah tak ingat dia dah.

Kadang2 aku rasa macam relation aku dengan dia ni takkan habis. Macam inseparable. Bila gaduh, dia tak nak go on, aku tak nak lepaskan. Tapi bila aku pulak yang tak nak go on, dia try so hard tak nak lepaskan aku pergi. Aku sendiri macam susah nak percaya.

Kawan kitorang pernah cakap dia tak pernah tengok this guy go back to any girl before me.Not even my predecessor. Tapi aku kadang2 rasa macam there's no more future for us, even aku kadang2 nak lagi try dengan dia. Sebab aku percaya ada something redeemable dalam diri dia. Cuma benda tu dia tak nak admit.  Maybe dia tak nampak lagi. Maybe.

Aku just wish that dia sedar kalau dia still dengan diri dia sekarang & proud of it, dia bukannya akan hilang aku (at the moment), tapi dia akan hilang sapa pun yang datang dalam life dia nanti. That's pretty much what I see. Either they leave, or they cheat on him.

Aku pun tak tau nak cakap dengan dia macam mana, even best friend dia pun dah tak tau nak nasihat apa lagi kat dia. He's still the same. Bukan dia tak boleh control & change. The problem is, dia tak nak buat.

And that's why he is a 30-year old behaving like a 17-year old. Bila nak mature aku pun tak tau.


Dear you,
You once told me that I was your star card
You also said that 'no star can shine with a broken heart'
But right now I can't shine like before
Because you stole my star.

And left me alone in the dark.