Left, Abandoned, and All the Things Related.

Last night,
You held me tight and you said you really love me. You said you're going to be sleeping alone in our room and you find the room creepy without me. You said you're going to miss me, my hugs, my scent, my presence. You said you can't give our relation another try because you still have your old flame in your heart that you can't seem to forget. You said I was pushy, I nag at you, I'm emotional, I'm childish, I'm immature, I'm egoistic. You said, although you do love me, you still want to withdraw from giving us another try to work on this relation.

When I asked you, am I not good enough for you, am I not better than her? You said I am way better than her. But when I asked why do you still want to leave, you said you can't go on with me anymore. When I asked you, why did you think I agreed to be with you? You came before me and held my hands, weave them together with yours, looked at my face and wondered. You did ask why - and I said, I want to make you happy. You were too busy making other people happy that you forget your own happiness. I was around just to make you happy as others don't. You looked at me, with surprised look and you kissed my hand saying thank you for the things that I did.

When I told you about her, what she did to you and what I did to you, I think I know that you know I did better. You know, she was not a good partner for you. But still, you want to return to her. For whatever reason, I don't know.

When I asked you, what did I demand from you? Do I ask for your money? You said no. Then you asked me, what do I want from you? Simple, I just wanted you to be honest with me. But you can't do that.

Last night, it was 8th, our third month anniversary. But on our third month anniversary, you end it and put the deepest hole in my heart. You said you feel like we've been together for so long when it was just three months. I wanted to bring you to the bridge where we shared our first kiss, but on that day you made me feel like a cheap whore.

You said, what you did that day and all the mean things you did to me - you didn't really mean those. You did that because you want to make me hate you. I looked at you, and I said; I never hated any of my exes. And that goes to you too. You just looked at me, speechless. I can never hate you. I know that. I can just put aside my feelings towards you until it eventually fade away. No matter what you do, I'm never going to hate you, in any way.

When we had had our last hand shake and you kissed me, the spark was still there, and I told you, every time you hold me in your arms, I always had that same spark - every single time. We kissed, and I know how much you long to be in my arms. But your ego wins over everything. I cried, even I know it makes me look weak. I want you to know that you are the only person I have in my heart. I told you, I took the risks of losing you when we were an item. I was well aware of the risks but boy, did I ignore it. I tried everything I could to make you happy, to make our relation work. I told you, I've had enough of relationships.

I wanted you to be the last, I don't want any other relationship anymore. I'm sick of trying and trying to work on fresh relationships. I just want to end up with you. I give every effort to please you, to make you comfortable, to ensure that you are happy being with me, but along the tears that are running down my cheeks I said to you; I still lost you. No matter how I tried, I strive, I still lose you. Upon hearing that, you pulled me close to your chest and tried to soothe me. I felt loved, but I know it's empty. Because I know, you were just trying to soothe me and there's nothing more.

You once said, I have my own card that you named me after. And you said no star can shine with a broken heart. You said too, that no matter how mean and bad I was, I still tickle your heart and make you laugh.

I said, if there is still love in us, why can't we give it another try? When I said I'm willing to do anything, I meant it. I will do anything to save this relation from falling apart. Then you said you need some space to think about it over. I told you I can understand that but last night, I can't let you go. I want to be with you, even in the car and it was dawning. I wanted to spend every second I have just to be with you, in your arms and make you smile.

But I realize now, that you are just a phase in my life. You are just another bus that I missed on my journey to happiness.