It's been a month, three weeks and two days since 19th of July, where I asked for his consent to be my partner - and he said yes. I, although am still wounded and shadowed by my past, have been trying to give my best to him and the relationship.
I have been keeping all the thoughts about him and his past with his ex-girlfriends. How he still keeps her pictures in his wallet, phone and even on MySpace. Aku tak paham kenapa dia nak buat semua tu lepas minah tu dah tipu dia kaw2.
Otak aku tak dapat nak hadam tu.
It's just unacceptable - at least for me, and now that he's with me he's got to understand that. I told him to get rid of those pictures so many times but he just ignored me. Of course I'm jealous! She's an ex, I'm his partner now! My pictures are supposed to be in his belongings! Not hers!
She lied to you, what's the point of keeping her stuff? He knew how she hurt him, but he still possess her pictures as if he's still waiting for her. And the worst is, he treats me as if I'm just a friend and someone who doesn't mean anything to him.
What la wei?
I've been trying to reach out for him, treat him nice, try my best to be an understanding girlfriend to him. Keeping all the hurt inside - forgetting all the pain and just keep going on no matter how hard it is for me to win his heart over Ms. Syahira.
Maybe this is a bad time for me to step into his life, I think of this sometimes. He simply come and go, all the things that a boyfriend does to his partner, he failed to do. Sometimes I feel like he's making me a person to be with when he's feeling blue, someone to attend him whenever he needs help..not someone whom he calls his girlfriend. The thought of that really, really breaks my heart.
As for now, I don't know, really I don't know what to do, how to reach him - physically, emotionally and the hardest, spiritually. It's as if I'm still in a bubble where I can't get out and get into his arms. I wish, Lord I wish he could open his heart, open his mind and take me wholly as someone who loves him deeply.
If only that wish comes true..
Actng Mets
- missnoperfect
- KL+UPM, Silver State., Malaysia
- This is like my electronic diary. I write what I feel. I write when I'm sad, angry, upset. I whine, I mourn, I curse, I cry here. If you don't like it, or you just want to know how pathetic my life is and use it against me, DON'T read.
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