Tak tau kenapa hari ni terasa nk tulis dalam BM pulak. Maybe sebab dah banyak post aku tulis dalam English, or terpengaruh dengan blog2 orang lain yang aku baca.huhu.
Hari ni Mama dah gerak pergi Perlis. Sayu pulak bila Mama dah pergi. I'll be here alone, alone, totally alone kat dalam rumah besar ni. Baby plak dah nak balik Kuantan esok pagi, tak tau la nak buat apa esok sorang2. Nak harapkan Dinda, takkan nak berkepit dengan dia 24/7 kot. Mesti dia pun ada plan lain dengan kawan2 dia. Aduiai, rasa macam casted away from family pulak.huhu.
Anyway, hari ni pergi Mid Valley dengan Baby. Said nak beli baju+seluar sebelum balik Kuantan. Cari punya cari, at last dia beli seluar kat Giordano je. Dalam pukul 10 nak balik dah, Wira pulak buat hal - tak boleh nak ignite. Nak kata cuak/panik tu takdelah, tapi more like tak tau nak buat apa. Baby suruh cari sekuriti, tapi aku suruh dia balik. Sporting pulak dia nak mencari orang. Kalau tak, liat je nak tegur orang.
Baby tegur ada la sorang Bangla ke Nepal ke aku tak tau la. Tanya dia mana sekuriti tup2 ada dorang brader ni lalu. Dia pergi la approach brader tu. Brader tu bawak kitorang pergi concierge kat area bayar parking. Tunggu mekanik kat situ dalam 10mins then ada la sorang pak cik ni datang. Cakap2 sikit pastu dia nak pergi kat kereta la. Dalam pada tu ada la pulak sorang mamat ni datang kat kaunter concierge tu cakap pasal apa tah. takdela hot, tapi muka dia sangat cumil+sweet. Sekali pandang lekat pulak mata ni kat muka dia. Nasib baik sempat cover pandang si Baby. Dalam dok tengah trouble tu sempat jugak aku nak menggatal. Sejak aku single ni galak pulak mata aku ni mencari si kumbang. Nak cari pengganti kot. Hehe.
Then pak cik ni bawak kitorang pergi kat Wira hampeh tu nak jump guna kereta dia (cap Mid Valley la). Lepas tu pak cik yang nama dia Hassan ni tengok2 isi perut Wira tu dia cakap kepala positif bateri kereta dah longgar, kena tukar, kalau tak pun letak aluminium buat lapik so bagi ketat balik kepala bateri tu. Dia cakap sebab kepala tu longgar yang kereta tu tak boleh start. Then dia godek2 bateri tu, dia letak a piece of kuprum/aluminium (kaler copper) kat kepala bateri pastu ketuk2 sampai rapat. Dalam dok mem-pomen tu sempat jugak pak cik Hassan ni recommend workshop dia kat Batu Caves - dalam hati aku niat nak hantar Kancil nanti kat pak cik ni, mengenang jasa dia tolong aku.. Huhu.
Lepas semua dah OK aku dengan Baby balik rumah hati lega sebab pak cik tu tolong kitorang, even tu memang kerja dia tapi still, nak jugak dia tolong. I think he was sincere when he helped us. Sebab tu dia buat semua tu. Terima kasih banyak2 pak cik Hassan from Mid Valley.
Dah 3 hari headache tak mau hilang since balik dari Perlis haritu. Tak tau la kenapa. Owww...sakit kepala...
Actng Mets
- missnoperfect
- KL+UPM, Silver State., Malaysia
- This is like my electronic diary. I write what I feel. I write when I'm sad, angry, upset. I whine, I mourn, I curse, I cry here. If you don't like it, or you just want to know how pathetic my life is and use it against me, DON'T read.
Monday, June 29, 2009
RIP King of Pop Michael Jackson
The man who triggered interest in moonwalking,
May Lord be with thou leaving,
Thy name will always be green in all reminiscing,
Live thou immortally through voice and melody long as there is a living.
May Lord be with thou leaving,
Thy name will always be green in all reminiscing,
Live thou immortally through voice and melody long as there is a living.
RIP dear Michael Jackson.
A Person I Watched and Waited Since School
I first watched him in a telemovie (I guess) when I was a child (perhaps primary school, when I was about 11 or 12) and I immediately fell in love with this one. I didn't even watch that telemovie start-to-end, just glimpses.. or maybe parts of it. But I did remember to catch his name at the end of the telemovie. After that, I sort of lost him from TV - no telemovies, no ads, no series, don't even bother to mention movies! I waited for his comeback on screen but he never showed up. Maybe he wasn't on TV, or maybe I didn't check properly whether he was on or not.
Then, there was this time when he actually played a role in a telemovie (or series) as an unfilial son. It was like - heaven, when I saw him. Then - again, I lost him (from the TV la). So I kept on waiting and waiting. For years! I wonder where did he go? I can't seem to find him anywhere on TV back then. I didn't know where to find him - either on TV or the net. Don't let me start with Astro, I never knew Astro until I was in high school! So zaman batu. Huhu. So I can't really look for him in there.
As I grow up, I still remember him - as someone who kind of disappeared from TV for quite a long time; until one day I saw him in one of the series on TV3. Unfortunately I can't stick to the series since I don't have a TV back in my hostel room. Damn Uni! Short after came along the movies - those movies where he was in, but not as a lead.
Well, not as a lead is OK for me long as I can watch him and put me - somehow a little away from the misery of craving to see him. Still, I have a few movies that have him in it that I haven't watched yet. Will find any DVDs or VCDs anywhere available and make a collection. Man, I'm totally head over heels for this guy!
Actually, I have met him - not really met; me and my sister sort of saw him and he noticed us looking at him. I didn't recognize him at first - he wore a pair of nerd glasses (huge black frame) with a hat (or a cap, I don't recall) but my sister said he was the one from the TV. We looked at each other for quite a moment and then stared (yeah, we smiled also) at him for a while and he just passed through the crowd. I hope there's going to be a deja vu for that incident. Lord please let it happen again.. Hehe.
**Now that he's one of the most hottest male star, everybody seems to put a little extra attention to him. I feel kind of jealous. Yep, jealous! Hell yeah I'm jealous! I discovered him - well, not to say discovered; but more to knowing him even when he was 16 man! Gosh! Yang baru2 kenal this guy ni dah mengaku fanatic la, #1 fan la, mad about him la and lotsa other craps! Dare I say that I am his #1 fan. Why? Cos, boy, have I waited so very long for him to appear on TV or movies! So to all those who watched Bohsia/Syurga Cinta/Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak and claim themselves as his #1 fan, you guys (or should I say girls) are just full of shit!
Ter-emo la pulak. Eheh.. :p But then, who gives a damn about it eh?
Then, there was this time when he actually played a role in a telemovie (or series) as an unfilial son. It was like - heaven, when I saw him. Then - again, I lost him (from the TV la). So I kept on waiting and waiting. For years! I wonder where did he go? I can't seem to find him anywhere on TV back then. I didn't know where to find him - either on TV or the net. Don't let me start with Astro, I never knew Astro until I was in high school! So zaman batu. Huhu. So I can't really look for him in there.
As I grow up, I still remember him - as someone who kind of disappeared from TV for quite a long time; until one day I saw him in one of the series on TV3. Unfortunately I can't stick to the series since I don't have a TV back in my hostel room. Damn Uni! Short after came along the movies - those movies where he was in, but not as a lead.
Well, not as a lead is OK for me long as I can watch him and put me - somehow a little away from the misery of craving to see him. Still, I have a few movies that have him in it that I haven't watched yet. Will find any DVDs or VCDs anywhere available and make a collection. Man, I'm totally head over heels for this guy!
Actually, I have met him - not really met; me and my sister sort of saw him and he noticed us looking at him. I didn't recognize him at first - he wore a pair of nerd glasses (huge black frame) with a hat (or a cap, I don't recall) but my sister said he was the one from the TV. We looked at each other for quite a moment and then stared (yeah, we smiled also) at him for a while and he just passed through the crowd. I hope there's going to be a deja vu for that incident. Lord please let it happen again.. Hehe.
**Now that he's one of the most hottest male star, everybody seems to put a little extra attention to him. I feel kind of jealous. Yep, jealous! Hell yeah I'm jealous! I discovered him - well, not to say discovered; but more to knowing him even when he was 16 man! Gosh! Yang baru2 kenal this guy ni dah mengaku fanatic la, #1 fan la, mad about him la and lotsa other craps! Dare I say that I am his #1 fan. Why? Cos, boy, have I waited so very long for him to appear on TV or movies! So to all those who watched Bohsia/Syurga Cinta/Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak and claim themselves as his #1 fan, you guys (or should I say girls) are just full of shit!
Ter-emo la pulak. Eheh.. :p But then, who gives a damn about it eh?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
That Particular Dream
It was night..perhaps at dusk when I was busy putting on my praying clothes. At the time I looked at my reflection in the mirror, checking if there is any strands of hair, I saw a hand over my head, its finger pointing at a strand in the mirror, quite hairy, the hand I saw, I may say - touching my forehead. It startled me so I turned back to see whose hand was it - there he was, standing tall before me looked at me straight in the eyes and giving me the sweetest smile ever. Fireworks in my chest as well as a mountain of happiness in me,being able to see him flesh and blood. The sight of him reminds me of how much I've been missing him all my life since he went away that I couldn't even remember. We sat together with me still in my praying clothes and he before me. I stared at him while he looked at me - both of us were filled with bliss and joy. We talked and talked and talked like we used to do back in our old times at home when I lived with him. I needed to go to the toilet, we both knew that, but I sat there still, and he didn't say a word about that, as if he never noticed about that. We just kept talking, about happy-happy stuff; only those things that brings smile to our faces. Long did it go until I don't know when and how it ended...
June 17, I dreamt of my father coming to visit me thinking about how he came to me, I kinda realised that maybe this was a sign from The Greatest making me think that this maybe a kickstart for me to start putting myself closer to The Almighty. Dear Lord, nobody knows how I miss him. Only Thee and me.
June 17, I dreamt of my father coming to visit me thinking about how he came to me, I kinda realised that maybe this was a sign from The Greatest making me think that this maybe a kickstart for me to start putting myself closer to The Almighty. Dear Lord, nobody knows how I miss him. Only Thee and me.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Coldness That Freezes Bones
Just then he said he wanted to be friends with all but he did exactly the opposite. Heart was coming to a nice piece he turned it back to ashes, in split seconds flat. Flame was heating up inside he turned it to biting ice cold. Love learns bloom again he turned it to dry, lonesome, barren. With him around, it eases the pain and lifts the heart. Talking together instil laughs and smiles. Really thought I he could bring back all happiness and bliss. Heart says he could light up the faded hue in the eyes. How he could be the person I love all my life. How he could be the person I want to sing my feelings with. How he could be the person I devote all feelings inside.
I see him as a man with a kind heart. And I thought he was a very nice person. Blindly love grows to his features, forget all the flaws. Taught myself did I, search deeper than external so the Crimson feel remains eternal. Him to be the one, my last one of all I long for. Want to hold him high and lift his pain away. Wishing I he sings love songs to and honest with. Thought he could be the one I think of before falling asleep. Dream he would hand flower bouquet and speak of love. Crave for touch of his fingertips on bare skin and parting lips come together. Hope for a Garden of bliss in journey of life with him.
Does he have so much love in him that it never seems enough for him to share with only one person? Is the love so big that he has got to pour it to all the people around him? Does he enjoy hurting feelings that are for him? The tears for him, does he count them? He grows love and then kills it cold-heartedly? He calls here Love, another Dear, the other Darling? Must be mirth for him to tell lies and make fool of all. Is it joyful for him to watch breaking hearts? How it is easy for him to mutter sorry and offer friendship, when he knows the barren heart is trying to bloom with spring. He strikes lightning and blows storms thus making heart wounded and weather in heart is not gay no more; for all ever left is black, broken, empty heart.
Shall I call love Absurdity?
Shall I treat love Harshly?
Shall I see love Despicably?
Must all I feel is Pain; in love?
How fooled was I by a creature named man. Every other time.
Here, in blackest night of all the silent woods stand still and watch
Tears flooding on wet face; faunas stop chirp and listen to quiet cry
Along with coldness that freezes bones.
I see him as a man with a kind heart. And I thought he was a very nice person. Blindly love grows to his features, forget all the flaws. Taught myself did I, search deeper than external so the Crimson feel remains eternal. Him to be the one, my last one of all I long for. Want to hold him high and lift his pain away. Wishing I he sings love songs to and honest with. Thought he could be the one I think of before falling asleep. Dream he would hand flower bouquet and speak of love. Crave for touch of his fingertips on bare skin and parting lips come together. Hope for a Garden of bliss in journey of life with him.
Does he have so much love in him that it never seems enough for him to share with only one person? Is the love so big that he has got to pour it to all the people around him? Does he enjoy hurting feelings that are for him? The tears for him, does he count them? He grows love and then kills it cold-heartedly? He calls here Love, another Dear, the other Darling? Must be mirth for him to tell lies and make fool of all. Is it joyful for him to watch breaking hearts? How it is easy for him to mutter sorry and offer friendship, when he knows the barren heart is trying to bloom with spring. He strikes lightning and blows storms thus making heart wounded and weather in heart is not gay no more; for all ever left is black, broken, empty heart.
Shall I call love Absurdity?
Shall I treat love Harshly?
Shall I see love Despicably?
Must all I feel is Pain; in love?
How fooled was I by a creature named man. Every other time.
Here, in blackest night of all the silent woods stand still and watch
Tears flooding on wet face; faunas stop chirp and listen to quiet cry
Along with coldness that freezes bones.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Promise
Ready.
Are all we ready, prepared?
A journey, some called this -
Agree had I with - a journey life indeed
Facing the inevitable - inescapable
Certain moment where
The very last grain in
Hourglass falls
Breaths away does it take- leaving
Corpses lying..
A certainty us search for of what
Lies ahead - eternity.
Afford, are we of flames?
Of tortures along thus hellfire itself
Do we bear?
O sweet Paradise. How
To live in the
Wonderful allowed - are we even to see?
How then -
In God’s eyes, the life lived we?
Resentful?
Obey?
Worst?
Awaits..
Promise from The Mighty for
All living.
Are all we ready, prepared?
A journey, some called this -
Agree had I with - a journey life indeed
Facing the inevitable - inescapable
Certain moment where
The very last grain in
Hourglass falls
Breaths away does it take- leaving
Corpses lying..
A certainty us search for of what
Lies ahead - eternity.
Afford, are we of flames?
Of tortures along thus hellfire itself
Do we bear?
O sweet Paradise. How
To live in the
Wonderful allowed - are we even to see?
How then -
In God’s eyes, the life lived we?
Resentful?
Obey?
Worst?
Awaits..
Promise from The Mighty for
All living.
i love thee
I shall never let go
Lingering is what i desire
One blink of a moment, how the
Valley of running faces of thee
Every space of red heart of mine – thou art
Tender touch that arouses
How I long for thee – fill my senses!
Each moment - shall be in me til
Every petal falls from every rose
Lingering is what i desire
One blink of a moment, how the
Valley of running faces of thee
Every space of red heart of mine – thou art
Tender touch that arouses
How I long for thee – fill my senses!
Each moment - shall be in me til
Every petal falls from every rose
Shall I Ever Weep?
The bygone is bygone
Steadfast is sand of life
Leaving thus, a life, wasted
How shall I know when death is?
Not welcoming nor running
From destiny
As crimson of life breathes
Alive
Thou’ve gone far as Heaven
Leaves sorrow, tears upon heart
Why not stars, thee? Still.
Shall’t never change,
As I behold, beauty
Voice of nightingale in the woods
Forever shall thou embrace,
Love of a child
Awaits, the wings of God
For mortal it is men.
Shall I ever weep?
Steadfast is sand of life
Leaving thus, a life, wasted
How shall I know when death is?
Not welcoming nor running
From destiny
As crimson of life breathes
Alive
Thou’ve gone far as Heaven
Leaves sorrow, tears upon heart
Why not stars, thee? Still.
Shall’t never change,
As I behold, beauty
Voice of nightingale in the woods
Forever shall thou embrace,
Love of a child
Awaits, the wings of God
For mortal it is men.
Shall I ever weep?
bleed
i dont know how i did not learn from my past failure. i open my heart so easily to a person just because im comfortable with him and that being with him helps me forget my previous, even for such a short time. when i ask him for an answer, he said he was not ready and was too afraid of losing. he still is now. so i told him that its ok if he's not ready and i wont put much hope on him. but the truth is that i face another rejection-another failure. maybe i was being impatient. maybe he was still haunted of the pain of losing. maybe.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Fallen To Stony Ground
Someone told me that he's getting engaged with someone, and here I am, still alone..
Wondering, 1 question pops up after another. How much love have I poured in the relationship, for him, yet I still can't get ahold of the one I want.
He made me walk away, and yes; I'm walking away from him. Far, far away so I can mend this bleed, put back all those returned broken pieces to its place.
I still dream of him, for what? I don't understand the meaning of this! I don't even know why he still lingers! Letting go is the hardest part for me to do, but I realize, this will be the best part of it when I get over it.
I just hope the best for both of them (that's the least I could do) and that he could change into a better person for the lady. I don't want her to end up like me - left alone bleeding and bleeding with endless pain. Instead, I want him to feel however I felt when I busted him cheating on me! I wish he would eventually know how it feels like to be dumped, fooled, cheated on, hurt and may you learn what exactly is pain!
Although I hate her for hooking up with him when he was mine, really, it is his fault because he was the one who wanted to cheat on me. Not with one, but a lot of them girls! Damn you my ex! Argh!
Wondering, 1 question pops up after another. How much love have I poured in the relationship, for him, yet I still can't get ahold of the one I want.
He made me walk away, and yes; I'm walking away from him. Far, far away so I can mend this bleed, put back all those returned broken pieces to its place.
I still dream of him, for what? I don't understand the meaning of this! I don't even know why he still lingers! Letting go is the hardest part for me to do, but I realize, this will be the best part of it when I get over it.
I just hope the best for both of them (that's the least I could do) and that he could change into a better person for the lady. I don't want her to end up like me - left alone bleeding and bleeding with endless pain. Instead, I want him to feel however I felt when I busted him cheating on me! I wish he would eventually know how it feels like to be dumped, fooled, cheated on, hurt and may you learn what exactly is pain!
Although I hate her for hooking up with him when he was mine, really, it is his fault because he was the one who wanted to cheat on me. Not with one, but a lot of them girls! Damn you my ex! Argh!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Broken
I provoked him until up to that extent where I didn't remember the start and end. Later that day I went to see Yem, then to Klang - to see Skye and his friends; he invited me to a karok and I brought my Dinda.
I screamed all my lungs out - this person hating and loving him deeply at the same time makes it hurt even more for me. He made me walk away by cheating on me, many a drop of tears linger every night.
I keep pushing myself to walk away and leave all sweet memories behind.
Damn painful.
I screamed all my lungs out - this person hating and loving him deeply at the same time makes it hurt even more for me. He made me walk away by cheating on me, many a drop of tears linger every night.
I keep pushing myself to walk away and leave all sweet memories behind.
Damn painful.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
2009 - Bad Start
How I was fooled by some guy, I loved him so much that it really hurts and kills me! I gave him everything I could, everything!
He cheated on me just because I'm too sensitive! He can't take it that I'm easily touched at heart and all the mood swings! Actually those mood swings I have is nothing compared to those cases that need attention! And him? He's just don't want to take it! I think he's not emotionally healty, since he can't handle me - or.. he's just not up to the challenge of handling emo-freak like me! Hah! What a weako!
I stood upon and bear his temper, ego and all the foul languages, his selfishness and all - but he can't take my sensitivity! I'm walking away - from all the things I have with him. All the memories! And all the love.. I want to go to a place so far away that he can never find me anymore!
I don't want to hate him, just giving me my own time to heal from the crash. I really fall hard and hit stony ground. But somehow, somewhere deep inside, I'm glad that we're done! I don't have to put up with all his temper and selfishness anymore!
I'm going to be a better person now. Thank and Praise be Almighty for showing me that he's not the one for me.
--Or else..well, easy. A whole lotta crying, begging (me to him), swearing and bossing (him to me) for the rest of my life! And really, I am free as a bird in the sky!
Though I still can't let him go. Hukhuk..
He cheated on me just because I'm too sensitive! He can't take it that I'm easily touched at heart and all the mood swings! Actually those mood swings I have is nothing compared to those cases that need attention! And him? He's just don't want to take it! I think he's not emotionally healty, since he can't handle me - or.. he's just not up to the challenge of handling emo-freak like me! Hah! What a weako!
I stood upon and bear his temper, ego and all the foul languages, his selfishness and all - but he can't take my sensitivity! I'm walking away - from all the things I have with him. All the memories! And all the love.. I want to go to a place so far away that he can never find me anymore!
I don't want to hate him, just giving me my own time to heal from the crash. I really fall hard and hit stony ground. But somehow, somewhere deep inside, I'm glad that we're done! I don't have to put up with all his temper and selfishness anymore!
I'm going to be a better person now. Thank and Praise be Almighty for showing me that he's not the one for me.
--Or else..well, easy. A whole lotta crying, begging (me to him), swearing and bossing (him to me) for the rest of my life! And really, I am free as a bird in the sky!
Though I still can't let him go. Hukhuk..
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