Coldness That Freezes Bones

Just then he said he wanted to be friends with all but he did exactly the opposite. Heart was coming to a nice piece he turned it back to ashes, in split seconds flat. Flame was heating up inside he turned it to biting ice cold. Love learns bloom again he turned it to dry, lonesome, barren. With him around, it eases the pain and lifts the heart. Talking together instil laughs and smiles. Really thought I he could bring back all happiness and bliss. Heart says he could light up the faded hue in the eyes. How he could be the person I love all my life. How he could be the person I want to sing my feelings with. How he could be the person I devote all feelings inside.

I see him as a man with a kind heart. And I thought he was a very nice person. Blindly love grows to his features, forget all the flaws. Taught myself did I, search deeper than external so the Crimson feel remains eternal. Him to be the one, my last one of all I long for. Want to hold him high and lift his pain away. Wishing I he sings love songs to and honest with. Thought he could be the one I think of before falling asleep. Dream he would hand flower bouquet and speak of love. Crave for touch of his fingertips on bare skin and parting lips come together. Hope for a Garden of bliss in journey of life with him.

Does he have so much love in him that it never seems enough for him to share with only one person? Is the love so big that he has got to pour it to all the people around him? Does he enjoy hurting feelings that are for him? The tears for him, does he count them? He grows love and then kills it cold-heartedly? He calls here Love, another Dear, the other Darling? Must be mirth for him to tell lies and make fool of all. Is it joyful for him to watch breaking hearts? How it is easy for him to mutter sorry and offer friendship, when he knows the barren heart is trying to bloom with spring. He strikes lightning and blows storms thus making heart wounded and weather in heart is not gay no more; for all ever left is black, broken, empty heart.

Shall I call love Absurdity?
Shall I treat love Harshly?
Shall I see love Despicably?
Must all I feel is Pain; in love?
How fooled was I by a creature named man. Every other time.
Here, in blackest night of all the silent woods stand still and watch
Tears flooding on wet face; faunas stop chirp and listen to quiet cry
Along with coldness that freezes bones.

The Promise

Ready.

Are all we ready, prepared?
A journey, some called this -
Agree had I with - a journey life indeed
Facing the inevitable - inescapable

Certain moment where
The very last grain in
Hourglass falls
Breaths away does it take- leaving

Corpses lying..

A certainty us search for of what
Lies ahead - eternity.

Afford, are we of flames?
Of tortures along thus hellfire itself
Do we bear?

O sweet Paradise. How
To live in the
Wonderful allowed - are we even to see?
How then -

In God’s eyes, the life lived we?
Resentful?
Obey?
Worst?

Awaits..
Promise from The Mighty for
All living.

i love thee

I shall never let go

Lingering is what i desire
One blink of a moment, how the
Valley of running faces of thee
Every space of red heart of mine – thou art

Tender touch that arouses
How I long for thee – fill my senses!
Each moment - shall be in me til
Every petal falls from every rose

Shall I Ever Weep?

The bygone is bygone
Steadfast is sand of life
Leaving thus, a life, wasted
How shall I know when death is?
Not welcoming nor running
From destiny
As crimson of life breathes
Alive
Thou’ve gone far as Heaven
Leaves sorrow, tears upon heart
Why not stars, thee? Still.
Shall’t never change,
As I behold, beauty
Voice of nightingale in the woods
Forever shall thou embrace,
Love of a child
Awaits, the wings of God
For mortal it is men.
Shall I ever weep?

bleed

i dont know how i did not learn from my past failure. i open my heart so easily to a person just because im comfortable with him and that being with him helps me forget my previous, even for such a short time. when i ask him for an answer, he said he was not ready and was too afraid of losing. he still is now. so i told him that its ok if he's not ready and i wont put much hope on him. but the truth is that i face another rejection-another failure. maybe i was being impatient. maybe he was still haunted of the pain of losing. maybe.

Fallen To Stony Ground

Someone told me that he's getting engaged with someone, and here I am, still alone..
Wondering, 1 question pops up after another. How much love have I poured in the relationship, for him, yet I still can't get ahold of the one I want.

He made me walk away, and yes; I'm walking away from him. Far, far away so I can mend this bleed, put back all those returned broken pieces to its place.

I still dream of him, for what? I don't understand the meaning of this! I don't even know why he still lingers! Letting go is the hardest part for me to do, but I realize, this will be the best part of it when I get over it.

I just hope the best for both of them (that's the least I could do) and that he could change into a better person for the lady. I don't want her to end up like me - left alone bleeding and bleeding with endless pain. Instead, I want him to feel however I felt when I busted him cheating on me! I wish he would eventually know how it feels like to be dumped, fooled, cheated on, hurt and may you learn what exactly is pain!

Although I hate her for hooking up with him when he was mine, really, it is his fault because he was the one who wanted to cheat on me. Not with one, but a lot of them girls! Damn you my ex! Argh!

Broken

I provoked him until up to that extent where I didn't remember the start and end. Later that day I went to see Yem, then to Klang - to see Skye and his friends; he invited me to a karok and I brought my Dinda.

I screamed all my lungs out - this person hating and loving him deeply at the same time makes it hurt even more for me. He made me walk away by cheating on me, many a drop of tears linger every night.

I keep pushing myself to walk away and leave all sweet memories behind.

Damn painful.

2009 - Bad Start

How I was fooled by some guy, I loved him so much that it really hurts and kills me! I gave him everything I could, everything!

He cheated on me just because I'm too sensitive! He can't take it that I'm easily touched at heart and all the mood swings! Actually those mood swings I have is nothing compared to those cases that need attention! And him? He's just don't want to take it! I think he's not emotionally healty, since he can't handle me - or.. he's just not up to the challenge of handling emo-freak like me! Hah! What a weako!

I stood upon and bear his temper, ego and all the foul languages, his selfishness and all - but he can't take my sensitivity! I'm walking away - from all the things I have with him. All the memories! And all the love.. I want to go to a place so far away that he can never find me anymore!

I don't want to hate him, just giving me my own time to heal from the crash. I really fall hard and hit stony ground. But somehow, somewhere deep inside, I'm glad that we're done! I don't have to put up with all his temper and selfishness anymore!

I'm going to be a better person now. Thank and Praise be Almighty for showing me that he's not the one for me.

--Or else..well, easy. A whole lotta crying, begging (me to him), swearing and bossing (him to me) for the rest of my life! And really, I am free as a bird in the sky!

Though I still can't let him go. Hukhuk..