Fallen To Stony Ground

Someone told me that he's getting engaged with someone, and here I am, still alone..
Wondering, 1 question pops up after another. How much love have I poured in the relationship, for him, yet I still can't get ahold of the one I want.

He made me walk away, and yes; I'm walking away from him. Far, far away so I can mend this bleed, put back all those returned broken pieces to its place.

I still dream of him, for what? I don't understand the meaning of this! I don't even know why he still lingers! Letting go is the hardest part for me to do, but I realize, this will be the best part of it when I get over it.

I just hope the best for both of them (that's the least I could do) and that he could change into a better person for the lady. I don't want her to end up like me - left alone bleeding and bleeding with endless pain. Instead, I want him to feel however I felt when I busted him cheating on me! I wish he would eventually know how it feels like to be dumped, fooled, cheated on, hurt and may you learn what exactly is pain!

Although I hate her for hooking up with him when he was mine, really, it is his fault because he was the one who wanted to cheat on me. Not with one, but a lot of them girls! Damn you my ex! Argh!

Broken

I provoked him until up to that extent where I didn't remember the start and end. Later that day I went to see Yem, then to Klang - to see Skye and his friends; he invited me to a karok and I brought my Dinda.

I screamed all my lungs out - this person hating and loving him deeply at the same time makes it hurt even more for me. He made me walk away by cheating on me, many a drop of tears linger every night.

I keep pushing myself to walk away and leave all sweet memories behind.

Damn painful.

2009 - Bad Start

How I was fooled by some guy, I loved him so much that it really hurts and kills me! I gave him everything I could, everything!

He cheated on me just because I'm too sensitive! He can't take it that I'm easily touched at heart and all the mood swings! Actually those mood swings I have is nothing compared to those cases that need attention! And him? He's just don't want to take it! I think he's not emotionally healty, since he can't handle me - or.. he's just not up to the challenge of handling emo-freak like me! Hah! What a weako!

I stood upon and bear his temper, ego and all the foul languages, his selfishness and all - but he can't take my sensitivity! I'm walking away - from all the things I have with him. All the memories! And all the love.. I want to go to a place so far away that he can never find me anymore!

I don't want to hate him, just giving me my own time to heal from the crash. I really fall hard and hit stony ground. But somehow, somewhere deep inside, I'm glad that we're done! I don't have to put up with all his temper and selfishness anymore!

I'm going to be a better person now. Thank and Praise be Almighty for showing me that he's not the one for me.

--Or else..well, easy. A whole lotta crying, begging (me to him), swearing and bossing (him to me) for the rest of my life! And really, I am free as a bird in the sky!

Though I still can't let him go. Hukhuk..