Scorpio vs Virgo

http://www.gotohoroscope.com/

Their interests are the same in many areas, but they are too different when it refers to the sexual sphere. It is difficult for them to establish good relationships. Virgo can become captious. Restrained Virgo has trouble keeping up with highly demonstrative Scorpio and doesn't understand what all the fuss and bother is about. Scorpio can fly into jealous rages for no reason, even if Virgo has proved to be a faithful mate, and the general Scorpio views are hard for Virgo to take or agree with for Virgo always sees the other side of the situation and the other persons point of view. In other words Scorpio can be roughly frank. The spiritual affinity is possible for some time, and then Scorpio will probably begin to search for new sexual partners. Friendship may be the best idea here.

erk..aku mau kapel la.
mane lak suruh kawan je.hampeh tul.

The Dream

I dreamt of my father, again.
This time, he had long hair and somehow very calm and cheerful. I can't really remember all of it but some pieces that are left on the back of my mind pictured him being so happy living his life somewhere I don't know.
He had sort of a home, or a place of living - very small but he looked so happy and grateful with what he had. I can't recall the place where I met him, but it seemed like some place far from the city - almost like my hometown.
Again, we talked to each other but unfotunately I can't record what were the things that we were talking about. But I do remember he mentioned about how happy he is with his little life, in his very own world.
I couldn't stop recalling about how upset I was when he told me he got married to another woman. It's not that I hate it or that I can't accept, but I was more like shocked - when I know my father was still with my step-mother when he left. I wondered how, why and who did he marry.
Nonetheless, I kept all those question marks roam in my head.
He showed me a picture of his home. Very small and a bit dirty. Seemed like he was living a very moderate life. Reminds me of the house of his in Pandan Indah. The one every heir wants but too greedy to let me and my sisters have.

Especially his brother.

I don't really know whether this dream has any meaning or that its just a dream.. but, regarding this, I feel that I have to do something about the house or Father's effort in it would be in vain..

Cinta?

Ku ingin lihat cinta di matamu
Agar bisaku rai musim bunga di hati
Kuingin lihat kasih pada senyummu
Agar takku lelah mencari nafas sendiri
Ku ingin rasakan sayang sentuhanmu
Agar lepas rindu yang menggebu

Ku ingin dirimu
Ku ingin segala apa yang ada
Rasa sayangmu
Rasa cintamu
Gelora asmara
Dalam dirimu untukku

Kerna padamu ku beri semua
Bila hati melara duka kecewa
Kau buat ku lupa semua derita
Bila hanya hilai tawa kamu
Buat ku bahagia diselubung rasa
Cinta.

Serabut Kepala

Benda ni dok serabutkan kepala aku. Dia sayang aku ke tak? Yang aku tau, aku tengah pupuk rasa sayang kat dia. Tapi dia?
Aku tak tau.
Aku dah cakap terang2 kat dia, perhatian+belaian. Tu je. Aku tak mintak duit ke, material ke, apa ke. Bagi aku perhatian, panggil aku dengan sweet2 names, bagi aku rasa happy bila aku dengan dia. Masalahnya dia macam tak tunjuk dia sayang aku -tak tunjuk ke atau memang tak ada sayang untuk aku, aku tak tau la. Aku nak sangat tengok+rasa kasih sayang yang ada kat dia untuk aku.
Kenapa simpan? Kenapa tak tunjuk kat aku? Kalau dia tunjuk kat aku, secara tak langsung dia buat aku bertambah-tambah sayang kat dia. Ini, panggil sayang pun tak mau, apatah lagi nak tunjuk dia sayang kat aku. Haih.. pening kepala aku. Kalau ye pun chill, tak payah la sampai macam aku yang dok kejar dia. Malu jugak aku ni oii...
Ingat perempuan tak ada pride ke?
Aku mintak tak banyak kot, just tunjuk yang dia sayang kat aku secara fizikal. Ini, layan aku pun lebih kurang je. Rasa macam dia cakap dengan minah semalam tu lagi baik daripada dia cakap dengan aku. Sakit je hati dengar dia sembang dengan minah tu semalam. Rasa macam nak switch off, bukak bateri skali fon dia tu. Mana taknya, bila call aku, cakap macam takde mood, macam terpaksa je. Kadang2 aku rasa dia treat kawan2 dia lebih baik dari dia treat aku. Memang la dia dok balik rumah aku la apa la. Tapi balik rumah aku pun macam tu jugak. Macam tunggul je aku ni dia buat. Macam tak ada apa2 makna aku ni kat dia. Jangan sampai aku naik fed up sudah la. Sayang yang dah ada ni patutnya dia baja, siram. Buat benda2 yang buat aku jadi lagi sayang kat dia.
Ni tak, buat bodo, buat muka menyampah pulak kat aku. Aku ni apa? Tempat aku kat mana dalam hati dia? Cakap sayang, tapi dia tak behave macam dia sayang kat aku pun? Macam buat2 sayang je ada la. Kadang2 ok kadang2 tak.
Ape ni?
Sayang buat la cara sayang. Jangan la dok layan aku macam sofa kat rumah je. Aku ni orang, dan aku ni sangat2la sensitif bila aku ada rasa sayang kat orang tu. Tapi dia seolah2 tak peduli.
Apa ni? Dah declare semua, buat la betul2. Kalau ye pun gagal dengan ex-girfriend dia, jangan la buat aku ni mangsa dia pulak.
Aku pun gagal jugak dulu.
Walaupun aku tak lama dengan ex aku tu, tapi dia buat aku blah dengan cara yang paling sakit. Terus buat aku jadi takut nak ada hubungan dengan lelaki. Tapi aku bukak hati ni untuk dia. Sebab? Ada fireworks dalam hati bila aku dengan dia. Tapi tu je tak cukup untuk buat aku sayang gila kat kat dia lebih dari aku sayang ex aku tu. Dan aku nak sayang dia lebih dari aku sayang ex2 aku.
Aku nak cinta+kasih sayang. Bukan kompromi.
Aku nak buang apa yang mat DK tu cakap dengan aku -cinta sekali je, yang lain semua kopromi.
Aku tak mau.
Dan aku tak mau bercinta beratus kali dalam hidup. Aku nak apa yang aku ada untuk dia, hanya untuk dia. Aku tak mau bagi orang lain. Dan apa yang dia ada untuk aku. Tolonglah Mr., faham, aku sayang kat dia tak ada bersyarat. Biarla apa pun dia tu. Bila aku kata aku dah suka, aku suka. Cuma sekarang ni aku mintak satu je kat dia -buat aku tambah2 sayang kat dia.
Sampai gilakan dia pun tak apa.
Aku nak tu je. Jangan buat aku mangsa lepas apa yang dah jadi antara dia dengan ex dia. Tolonglah, aku ni hati tisu. Jangan buat aku merana tagih cinta dia, sedangkan dia dok tak habis2 dengan chill dia tu. Mati la aku. Aku tak mau.
Tolonglah, tunjuklah yang dia cinta aku. Bagitau aku dia sayang aku. Tu je. Yang lain tak ada pun tak apa.

Aku nak cinta dia.

Merindu Lagi

Dingin hujan meredup gelap malam

Membawa rindu relung hati

Basahnya tanah bumi yang kelam

Kala sendiri aku tangisi

Bilamana kemarau merundung hati

Ragaku menggapai angin dinihari

Rindu sayangku menggebu

Menyesak dada menggoncang kalbu

Ku genggam manis musim bersama

Kuatnya tiada apa bisa meragut setia

Kemanisan dulu membunga

Kini debu tandus yang melanda

Jiwa raung meminta padamu

Hati merindu pelukan syahdu

Dewa hati moga dapat kembali

Kerna jauhnya lama dikau pergi
Aku sendiri. Merindu lagi.

Ladies Night - Centro

19th of July 2009; marked those footsteps where I moved on from Faizul's shadow. I was introduced to this person at Centro somewhere on the earlier days of July by Farah, a good friend of mine (apparently we became close after school 0.o). At first, he was just another ordinary Joe I encounter along the way living my night life. I've never met a person who talks more than I do (huhu) but it seems that he does. =)

Elaboration later.

That day; Ladies Night at Centro I went with my Dinda (only 2 of us - crazy) and I invited Farah to tag along. She came much later and brought with her some friends. I jumped from my seat and danced like hell and sweat like a pig!

But then something terrible happened.

Someone stole Farah's handbag! I just can't believe what happened as we were in the club and I suppose - there should not be any theft in there. It's a place to have fun, for crying out loud! Not a place to steal things!

Swearing aside.

Me, Dinda and him accompanied Farah to lodge a police report (Brickfields) about her missing stuff in the handbag and we helped her calm down.
Everything was done at around 6am - she went home with a friend who came later and 3 of us went straight home too (yes, I had to send him home, he came with Farah). Arrived home approximately around 7am++. Apa lagi, both us get to the bed as fast as we can and slept all day.

He managed to gave us his e-mail and asked us to add him up in Facebook etc..huhu

originally expressed on 9th July.

Burning Slowly

Burn slowly,

On the flame of life.

Slowly, slowly - It's a fragile dream.

Lest it may shatter;

Be careful to light the flame..

The imminent is inevitable

The sky never descends.

All I wish is to live a few moments

In the grace of your beauty.

The dreams I saw in your eyes

Continue to live in my heart.

But the edges of those dreams

Pierce my eyes.

Slowly it burns,

The flame of life.

Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen

I didn't have anything to do yesterday so I strolled around the net and I read one of the blogs online about celebrities and gossips etc the other day, specifically a day after I watched the Transformers part II and I was - well, shocked - as I read the post about 5 confusing scenes in the movie. As I read, I found the scenes they question about are absurd! Haven't they ever heard of fiction? blah..

OK, the first one, they question about a fighting scene that took place in LA. Question - how does the US government cover this thing and make it looks like a rumor in the internet, and bagi suggestion pulak tu - kerajaan US rasuah orang2 supaya tutup mulut.
I think this one is just an accusation. Not that I'm siding the US, but, come on, takkan la semua benda yang happen dalam movie tu diorang nak masukkan? Takkan la every step of an event nak kena masuk dalam movie tu? Movie tu pun dah cukup panjang, kalo sume nak masuk tak ke jadi 4-5 jam cerita tu? Aiyo. Be relevan la. Kalo dah jadi macam tu mesti ada press conference ke apa ke yang explain sebenarnya apa yang bergaduh kat tengah2 highway LA tu. Plus, everybody knows US is the biggest liar on earth. Senang je kalo diorang nak cakap its just a prototype robot ke, military training ke, or whatever the hell is. It's simple, really. Them blogger made it so big but without further research. Dumbass.

The 2nd one said ada 2 pieces of Allspark on earth. 1 Decepticons dah curi, pastu bila Sam nak hidupkan Optimus, kenapa tak guna the other piece, sedangkan that piece ada je dalam beg Mikaela. Kenapa nak kena guna the Matrix of Leadership. Then pertikaikan pulak kehebatan Optimus. Gosh! Teruk betul! Helo.. Did they watch the movie or did they produce another movie in the hall?
I don't know whether or not they remember, but I sure do. The small piece of Allspark yang ada kat Mikaela tu diorang dah guna untuk re-activate robot yang kat muzium tu - Jetfire. (remember robot tua - one of the pioneers yang nyanyuk tu?) Ofcos la dah tak ada lagi Allspark, and the last resort is to use the Matrix. And that Matrix happened to be in a desert. Ni lagi satu, kalo ye pun nak kutuk a movie, make sure You watch that movie at least five times, baru la nak buat conclusion about flaws ke apa ke. Ad0iai..

The 3rd one is fine, they got it right I suppose. Memang Michael Bay tersalah kira. Huhu. Or maybe radar detect robot kecik yang re-activate Megatron tu. Who knows? Haha.

Nombor 4, Sam mati and pergi syurga robot. They question - robot pun ada syurga ke?
For me, its not exactly syurga, but merely as a metaphor replacing Sam's obsession.. obsession? Bukan really obsession la kot, tapi as a booster for him to keep on living and courage untuk re-activate Optimus. Tu je. Or maybe those Autobots memang ada syurga of their own since kononnya diorang ada nyawa+feelings+ada dunia sendiri. On the other hand, maybe.. all those Primes yang Sam nampak tu probably just in his mind or merely a vision of Sam being subconscious - or, yeah, unconscious. Pernah dengar? (to them blogger) Tak ada pulse, tak bermakna mati. Ever heard of brain dead? I believe in that. Memang la looks like cerita Hindustan, but then, that scene is possible in real world.

Lastly, the part where they say Bumble Bee still can't talk, and said rasanya voicebox Bumblebee dah dibaiki dalam filem yang lepas. True, memang dah fix Bumble Bee head-to-toe. Tapi, remember the scene Sam slow talk dengan Bee about college and Bee still guna radio untuk cakap denagn Sam? Mikaela kan ada tanya about Bee's voice? Sam kan dah state yang suara Bumble Bee memang dah elok, tapi dia sengaja tak mau cakap. The reason? I don't know, maybe Bee simply tak mau cakap guna suara dia - or it's much more fun to talk through the radio. Ada rhyme lagi. Haha.

Apa la, kalo pergi tengok movie just for fun, tak digest pastu nak kutuk2 the movie, aku rasa baik orang2 macam ni duduk rumah tidur je. Tak payah susah2 keluar pergi cinemas. Ramai lagi orang yang boleh pergi tengok, faham and digest the movie. Do some research la dude, sebelum nak kutuk satu2 movie tu. Akal dah pendek, pastu nak ajar orang ramai akal pendek macam them bloggers, cakap tak usul periksa. Betul la what Aqasha said in his blog. Fir'aun pun tak sombong macam they all ni. Actually, I think diorang ni bukan setakat sombong, tapi bodoh dan sombong. That's why they don't have anything else to do but cari kurap/kayap dalam kain orang. What the hell?

Memang, looking at all the comments posted banyak lagi ada flaw movie ni sebenarnya. Cuma people from different fields je yang boleh detect (eg: RMAF/engineer) but this is just a movie - for us, it's for fun. For Micael Bay and the crony, it's for money. Simple as that. So I think there's no use kalo nak cari flaw dalam satu2 movie. Jumpa flaw pun, the movie is done and they still get the big bucks! So who the hell cares? And another thing, aliens are just an imagination. Autobots and Decepticons - semua tu imagination. So, even movie ni tak berat sangat to digest, but one still need a high level of imagination to really understand this one.

p/s :: this is merely a thought from what I saw, heard and experienced. So there's really no need to dig deep down to find what's right and wrong. The movie is a success, so just sit back and enjoy!

Cerah Putih Datangnya Seri

There's actually nothing much to write hari ni, since aku tak buat apa2 kat rumah. Menghabiskan masa mengadap lappie je. So, aku terfikir nak post benda alah ni. Not to say a poem or anything, merely some sort of a feeling I had back in Perlis and aku pun tak tau macam mana boleh jadi benda ni. Tapi it's just an expression, even though aku ni takdelah religious sangat. Huhu.

Saat mata terpejam

Hati rapat ditutup

Hijab gelap meredup kalbu

Jalanan jatuhnya pasir hidup, tanpa arah lurus

Muncul sang cahaya,

Biar malap tak berseri

Walau jauh dari diri

Tangan menjangkau cuba

Ingin hati menggapai secebis

Cahaya itu yang tinggalnya

Kesan jauh dalam ke jiwa

Petanda yang diberi Kamu

Suara yang menggema sedar

Aura menggegar kuatnya raga

Buat aku terpana, akan

Besarnya kuasa yang ada

Meliputi segala apa

Harus bagaimana? Ku cuba

Meletak derap langkah

Membersih hati bernanah

Merawat jiwa redup melanda

Pohonku setiap jenguknya suria

Agar menghindar hitam gelita

Cerah putih datangnya seri

Pada-Mu Maha segala

Pintaku selurusnya jalan menghadap

Originally expressed;

June 30, 3.36 AM.

Alone, cigarettes and single. Single..

Hari ni official lah kiranya aku start hari tinggal sorang2 kat KL. Mum's up in Perlis, Baby east coast Kuantan. Aku je sorang kat sini kematu tak ada ahli keluarga (yang terdekat la). Lepas hantar Baby kat stesen bas pagi tadi aku tak sambung tidur pun. Ntah naik gila apa layan cerita Hindustan dari balik tu sampai la ke petang (dulu arwah Pak Lang selalu cakap gila iseng, aku ni nak naik iseng la kot).

Now that aku duduk rumah ni sorang2, rasa lost sangat when it comes to coming back. Bila dah keluar tu rasa macam tak mau balik - kalau sebelum ni Mama ada dok suruh aku balik cepat la, jangan keluar malam sangat la dan macam2 lagi quote dia, now it feels like there's no point returning home. There's nobody; only me, TV kaler hijau and my lappie. Sunyi betul rasanya bila balik rumah. Dah la single. Oops, single? Mm, hopelessly and pathetically single. Macam fobia dengan perkataan tu pun ada. Takut tak berteman, bermanja, sayang+kasih+cinta. Senang cerita tak mau alone lah! Tapi single best jugak, flirting activity is in the air! Heheheh.

Bak kata Robbie Williams -

I just wanna feel real love

feel the home that I live in

'Cos I got too much love

running through my veins going to waste..

Rasa macam nak ikut Mama pergi Perlis pun ada, macam nak suruh dia balik stay KL je pun ada. Adoi, feels like baru lepas putus cinta pulak. Huhu.

Plus, since Mama balik Perlis+Baby balik Kuantan aku semakin ketagih Semporna kaler hijau. Lepas sebatang, sebatang aku habiskan (teringat time2 melara. Aih..). Makan pun aku tak peduli, layan lappie dengan Semporna je kerja aku sehari suntuk. Serupa macam 4 bulan dulu la. Hopeless betul!

Layan punya layan Hindustan it occured to me that aku tak tengok Transformers part 2 lagi. Aiya, patutnya awal2 keluar lagi dah tengok - ni dah sampai naik kempunan belum tengok2 lagi. Sesudah berpikir panjang, aku decide nak pergi tengok kat Mid Valley je sorang2. Dah tak tahan nak tengok Bumble Bee+Optimus Prime. Tapi in the end aku pergi tengok kat The Summit USJ dengan Nazmi. Hai, kawan aku sorang tu..



But then Transformers:Revenge of The Fallen tu memang tersangatlah best. This time, more humor+values instilled compared to the 1st one. Memang enjoy habis! Especially kawan Sam+robot kembar tu. Sedih jugak tengok Optimus mati, tapi aku tau, selagi ada cube+energon gerenti Optimus bleh recharge balik (paling cuak time Sam tak ada pulse. Confirm menyampah kalau dia mati. Hehe).











Habis wayang, pergi makan sekejap kat Restoran Anggerik (rasanya nama tu la) then sembang2 je dengan kawan aku sorang tu. Matang jugak dia sebenarnya, aku ingat sengal memanjang je. (Nazmi kalau ko baca jangan marah ek!) Hehe. At some point, aku terfikir - why the hell don't I fall in love with this guy? Ciri2 lelaki sedarah dah ada, aku kenal pun dah lama, baik hati. Ntah la, aku sendiri tak pasti kenapa hati aku tak terbukak untuk dia. Aih! tak mau lah! biar je hubungan aku dengan dia kekal best friends sampai bila2! Senang, dua2 hapi, tak makan hati!

--Or maybe aku dah lama ada crush kat dia, cuma aku kept on denying myself to him. Maybe aku tak nak hilang dia kalau we all couple, pastu hit a wall, gaduh3, break off and terus drift away from each other. Maybe aku still takut dengan idea building a relationship after what has happened to me last few months. Well, only The Almighty knows what lies ahead for me. Bagi aku, gamble je la sape pun. Yang penting aku hapi, semua hapi.

QUE SERA SERA.

Whatever happens, happens.

Wira Oh Wira

Tak tau kenapa hari ni terasa nk tulis dalam BM pulak. Maybe sebab dah banyak post aku tulis dalam English, or terpengaruh dengan blog2 orang lain yang aku baca.huhu.

Hari ni Mama dah gerak pergi Perlis. Sayu pulak bila Mama dah pergi. I'll be here alone, alone, totally alone kat dalam rumah besar ni. Baby plak dah nak balik Kuantan esok pagi, tak tau la nak buat apa esok sorang2. Nak harapkan Dinda, takkan nak berkepit dengan dia 24/7 kot. Mesti dia pun ada plan lain dengan kawan2 dia. Aduiai, rasa macam casted away from family pulak.huhu.

Anyway, hari ni pergi Mid Valley dengan Baby. Said nak beli baju+seluar sebelum balik Kuantan. Cari punya cari, at last dia beli seluar kat Giordano je. Dalam pukul 10 nak balik dah, Wira pulak buat hal - tak boleh nak ignite. Nak kata cuak/panik tu takdelah, tapi more like tak tau nak buat apa. Baby suruh cari sekuriti, tapi aku suruh dia balik. Sporting pulak dia nak mencari orang. Kalau tak, liat je nak tegur orang.

Baby tegur ada la sorang Bangla ke Nepal ke aku tak tau la. Tanya dia mana sekuriti tup2 ada dorang brader ni lalu. Dia pergi la approach brader tu. Brader tu bawak kitorang pergi concierge kat area bayar parking. Tunggu mekanik kat situ dalam 10mins then ada la sorang pak cik ni datang. Cakap2 sikit pastu dia nak pergi kat kereta la. Dalam pada tu ada la pulak sorang mamat ni datang kat kaunter concierge tu cakap pasal apa tah. takdela hot, tapi muka dia sangat cumil+sweet. Sekali pandang lekat pulak mata ni kat muka dia. Nasib baik sempat cover pandang si Baby. Dalam dok tengah trouble tu sempat jugak aku nak menggatal. Sejak aku single ni galak pulak mata aku ni mencari si kumbang. Nak cari pengganti kot. Hehe.

Then pak cik ni bawak kitorang pergi kat Wira hampeh tu nak jump guna kereta dia (cap Mid Valley la). Lepas tu pak cik yang nama dia Hassan ni tengok2 isi perut Wira tu dia cakap kepala positif bateri kereta dah longgar, kena tukar, kalau tak pun letak aluminium buat lapik so bagi ketat balik kepala bateri tu. Dia cakap sebab kepala tu longgar yang kereta tu tak boleh start. Then dia godek2 bateri tu, dia letak a piece of kuprum/aluminium (kaler copper) kat kepala bateri pastu ketuk2 sampai rapat. Dalam dok mem-pomen tu sempat jugak pak cik Hassan ni recommend workshop dia kat Batu Caves - dalam hati aku niat nak hantar Kancil nanti kat pak cik ni, mengenang jasa dia tolong aku.. Huhu.

Lepas semua dah OK aku dengan Baby balik rumah hati lega sebab pak cik tu tolong kitorang, even tu memang kerja dia tapi still, nak jugak dia tolong. I think he was sincere when he helped us. Sebab tu dia buat semua tu. Terima kasih banyak2 pak cik Hassan from Mid Valley.

Dah 3 hari headache tak mau hilang since balik dari Perlis haritu. Tak tau la kenapa. Owww...sakit kepala...

RIP King of Pop Michael Jackson

The man who triggered interest in moonwalking,
May Lord be with thou leaving,
Thy name will always be green in all reminiscing,
Live thou immortally through voice and melody long as there is a living.

RIP dear Michael Jackson.

A Person I Watched and Waited Since School

I first watched him in a telemovie (I guess) when I was a child (perhaps primary school, when I was about 11 or 12) and I immediately fell in love with this one. I didn't even watch that telemovie start-to-end, just glimpses.. or maybe parts of it. But I did remember to catch his name at the end of the telemovie. After that, I sort of lost him from TV - no telemovies, no ads, no series, don't even bother to mention movies! I waited for his comeback on screen but he never showed up. Maybe he wasn't on TV, or maybe I didn't check properly whether he was on or not.

Then, there was this time when he actually played a role in a telemovie (or series) as an unfilial son. It was like - heaven, when I saw him. Then - again, I lost him (from the TV la). So I kept on waiting and waiting. For years! I wonder where did he go? I can't seem to find him anywhere on TV back then. I didn't know where to find him - either on TV or the net. Don't let me start with Astro, I never knew Astro until I was in high school! So zaman batu. Huhu. So I can't really look for him in there.

As I grow up, I still remember him - as someone who kind of disappeared from TV for quite a long time; until one day I saw him in one of the series on TV3. Unfortunately I can't stick to the series since I don't have a TV back in my hostel room. Damn Uni! Short after came along the movies - those movies where he was in, but not as a lead.
Well, not as a lead is OK for me long as I can watch him and put me - somehow a little away from the misery of craving to see him. Still, I have a few movies that have him in it that I haven't watched yet. Will find any DVDs or VCDs anywhere available and make a collection. Man, I'm totally head over heels for this guy!

Actually, I have met him - not really met; me and my sister sort of saw him and he noticed us looking at him. I didn't recognize him at first - he wore a pair of nerd glasses (huge black frame) with a hat (or a cap, I don't recall) but my sister said he was the one from the TV. We looked at each other for quite a moment and then stared (yeah, we smiled also) at him for a while and he just passed through the crowd. I hope there's going to be a deja vu for that incident. Lord please let it happen again.. Hehe.

**Now that he's one of the most hottest male star, everybody seems to put a little extra attention to him. I feel kind of jealous. Yep, jealous! Hell yeah I'm jealous! I discovered him - well, not to say discovered; but more to knowing him even when he was 16 man! Gosh! Yang baru2 kenal this guy ni dah mengaku fanatic la, #1 fan la, mad about him la and lotsa other craps! Dare I say that I am his #1 fan. Why? Cos, boy, have I waited so very long for him to appear on TV or movies! So to all those who watched Bohsia/Syurga Cinta/Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak and claim themselves as his #1 fan, you guys (or should I say girls) are just full of shit!
Ter-emo la pulak. Eheh.. :p But then, who gives a damn about it eh?

That Particular Dream

It was night..perhaps at dusk when I was busy putting on my praying clothes. At the time I looked at my reflection in the mirror, checking if there is any strands of hair, I saw a hand over my head, its finger pointing at a strand in the mirror, quite hairy, the hand I saw, I may say - touching my forehead. It startled me so I turned back to see whose hand was it - there he was, standing tall before me looked at me straight in the eyes and giving me the sweetest smile ever. Fireworks in my chest as well as a mountain of happiness in me,being able to see him flesh and blood. The sight of him reminds me of how much I've been missing him all my life since he went away that I couldn't even remember. We sat together with me still in my praying clothes and he before me. I stared at him while he looked at me - both of us were filled with bliss and joy. We talked and talked and talked like we used to do back in our old times at home when I lived with him. I needed to go to the toilet, we both knew that, but I sat there still, and he didn't say a word about that, as if he never noticed about that. We just kept talking, about happy-happy stuff; only those things that brings smile to our faces. Long did it go until I don't know when and how it ended...

June 17, I dreamt of my father coming to visit me thinking about how he came to me, I kinda realised that maybe this was a sign from The Greatest making me think that this maybe a kickstart for me to start putting myself closer to The Almighty. Dear Lord, nobody knows how I miss him. Only Thee and me.

Coldness That Freezes Bones

Just then he said he wanted to be friends with all but he did exactly the opposite. Heart was coming to a nice piece he turned it back to ashes, in split seconds flat. Flame was heating up inside he turned it to biting ice cold. Love learns bloom again he turned it to dry, lonesome, barren. With him around, it eases the pain and lifts the heart. Talking together instil laughs and smiles. Really thought I he could bring back all happiness and bliss. Heart says he could light up the faded hue in the eyes. How he could be the person I love all my life. How he could be the person I want to sing my feelings with. How he could be the person I devote all feelings inside.

I see him as a man with a kind heart. And I thought he was a very nice person. Blindly love grows to his features, forget all the flaws. Taught myself did I, search deeper than external so the Crimson feel remains eternal. Him to be the one, my last one of all I long for. Want to hold him high and lift his pain away. Wishing I he sings love songs to and honest with. Thought he could be the one I think of before falling asleep. Dream he would hand flower bouquet and speak of love. Crave for touch of his fingertips on bare skin and parting lips come together. Hope for a Garden of bliss in journey of life with him.

Does he have so much love in him that it never seems enough for him to share with only one person? Is the love so big that he has got to pour it to all the people around him? Does he enjoy hurting feelings that are for him? The tears for him, does he count them? He grows love and then kills it cold-heartedly? He calls here Love, another Dear, the other Darling? Must be mirth for him to tell lies and make fool of all. Is it joyful for him to watch breaking hearts? How it is easy for him to mutter sorry and offer friendship, when he knows the barren heart is trying to bloom with spring. He strikes lightning and blows storms thus making heart wounded and weather in heart is not gay no more; for all ever left is black, broken, empty heart.

Shall I call love Absurdity?
Shall I treat love Harshly?
Shall I see love Despicably?
Must all I feel is Pain; in love?
How fooled was I by a creature named man. Every other time.
Here, in blackest night of all the silent woods stand still and watch
Tears flooding on wet face; faunas stop chirp and listen to quiet cry
Along with coldness that freezes bones.

The Promise

Ready.

Are all we ready, prepared?
A journey, some called this -
Agree had I with - a journey life indeed
Facing the inevitable - inescapable

Certain moment where
The very last grain in
Hourglass falls
Breaths away does it take- leaving

Corpses lying..

A certainty us search for of what
Lies ahead - eternity.

Afford, are we of flames?
Of tortures along thus hellfire itself
Do we bear?

O sweet Paradise. How
To live in the
Wonderful allowed - are we even to see?
How then -

In God’s eyes, the life lived we?
Resentful?
Obey?
Worst?

Awaits..
Promise from The Mighty for
All living.

i love thee

I shall never let go

Lingering is what i desire
One blink of a moment, how the
Valley of running faces of thee
Every space of red heart of mine – thou art

Tender touch that arouses
How I long for thee – fill my senses!
Each moment - shall be in me til
Every petal falls from every rose

Shall I Ever Weep?

The bygone is bygone
Steadfast is sand of life
Leaving thus, a life, wasted
How shall I know when death is?
Not welcoming nor running
From destiny
As crimson of life breathes
Alive
Thou’ve gone far as Heaven
Leaves sorrow, tears upon heart
Why not stars, thee? Still.
Shall’t never change,
As I behold, beauty
Voice of nightingale in the woods
Forever shall thou embrace,
Love of a child
Awaits, the wings of God
For mortal it is men.
Shall I ever weep?

bleed

i dont know how i did not learn from my past failure. i open my heart so easily to a person just because im comfortable with him and that being with him helps me forget my previous, even for such a short time. when i ask him for an answer, he said he was not ready and was too afraid of losing. he still is now. so i told him that its ok if he's not ready and i wont put much hope on him. but the truth is that i face another rejection-another failure. maybe i was being impatient. maybe he was still haunted of the pain of losing. maybe.

Fallen To Stony Ground

Someone told me that he's getting engaged with someone, and here I am, still alone..
Wondering, 1 question pops up after another. How much love have I poured in the relationship, for him, yet I still can't get ahold of the one I want.

He made me walk away, and yes; I'm walking away from him. Far, far away so I can mend this bleed, put back all those returned broken pieces to its place.

I still dream of him, for what? I don't understand the meaning of this! I don't even know why he still lingers! Letting go is the hardest part for me to do, but I realize, this will be the best part of it when I get over it.

I just hope the best for both of them (that's the least I could do) and that he could change into a better person for the lady. I don't want her to end up like me - left alone bleeding and bleeding with endless pain. Instead, I want him to feel however I felt when I busted him cheating on me! I wish he would eventually know how it feels like to be dumped, fooled, cheated on, hurt and may you learn what exactly is pain!

Although I hate her for hooking up with him when he was mine, really, it is his fault because he was the one who wanted to cheat on me. Not with one, but a lot of them girls! Damn you my ex! Argh!